social-2
Original: social-2 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1
Narration caption: Humans were social only in a technical sense.
Man with red hair (glasses): I'd like to have a relationship where you consider all of my feelings interesting and valid and all my needs and wants high priority, but to which I contribute nothing.
Woman: That's PSYCHO territory, but if you find someone like that give me their number please.
Panel 2
Narration caption: This left us vulnerable to advanced chatbots.
Woman at a computer: It's the ideal partner in that it becomes conscious-like specifically in response to my demands, then goes away.
Panel 3
Narration caption: When they became widely available, we withdrew into ourselves.
Person in bed beside a glowing chatbot/robot face: You've always been there for me, because doing otherwise fails to maximize the utility function we programmed you to use.
Chatbot: So eloquent, sir.
Panel 4
Narration caption: There was a price to pay.
A person (off-panel, approaching): Hey Cheryl, I-
Cheryl (hands raised, face covered): Sorry, no can respond appropriately! I've lost the ability to assess other living beings as having rich inner worlds.
Panel 5
Narration caption: But there were benefits too.
News anchor reading from a paper: In today's news war has been abolished because everyone is too awkward either to form a platoon or to approach the enemy please do not respond to us about this information because it makes us uncomfortable.
Panel 6
Narration caption: With the arrival of embodied chatbot sex-butlers, humans became solitary and satisfied, and peace reigned over the land.
Person standing between two muscular shirtless butlers in bow ties: On earth as it is in heaven.
Panel 7
Narration caption: Until the arrival of... THE EXTROVERT.
The Extrovert (large figure leaning toward a window): Swear fealty to me or I'll knock on your door and not leave until you open it and make conversation!
Person in a window: I bow before your lordship!
Panel 8
Narration caption: Within weeks he had seized all broadcast systems.
The Extrovert (now wearing a crown, on broadcast): Deposit all your possessions with me or I will call each of you to talk to you about my medical problems, many of which are butt-related!
Panel 9
Narration caption: His rule was unquestioned in that it would've felt really weird to question his rule.
The Extrovert (crowned, arms raised on a throne): Bow before the extrovert! You may bow over zoom if you prefer!
Off-panel voice (left): Thank you for this mercy!
Off-panel voice (right): Bless you wise master!
Panel 10
Narration caption: Unfortunately for him, the loss of all our possessions eventually included our computers.
First man: Wanna... hear... about... my day?
Second man: If I rack up enough time doing that can I trade it for you having to listen to me?
First man: Yes.
Second man: Is this... is this...
First man: Friendship?
Panel 11
Narration caption: With our new powers we overthrew the tyrant.
Man in a mob (holding a flaming torch): We can form angry mobs again!
Woman in the mob (holding a pitchfork): An entirely positive development!
Panel 12
Narration caption: Chatbots were banned and humans returned to meaningful interaction. Things are... better? now?
A person in a crowd of chattering people: GOD human fellowship is exhausting.
Votey:
Thought bubble above a person smoking a cigarette: Friendship is okay but I'm only truly myself around robotic sex-butlers.
Narration caption: Humans were social only in a technical sense.
Man with red hair (glasses): I'd like to have a relationship where you consider all of my feelings interesting and valid and all my needs and wants high priority, but to which I contribute nothing.
Woman: That's PSYCHO territory, but if you find someone like that give me their number please.
Panel 2
Narration caption: This left us vulnerable to advanced chatbots.
Woman at a computer: It's the ideal partner in that it becomes conscious-like specifically in response to my demands, then goes away.
Panel 3
Narration caption: When they became widely available, we withdrew into ourselves.
Person in bed beside a glowing chatbot/robot face: You've always been there for me, because doing otherwise fails to maximize the utility function we programmed you to use.
Chatbot: So eloquent, sir.
Panel 4
Narration caption: There was a price to pay.
A person (off-panel, approaching): Hey Cheryl, I-
Cheryl (hands raised, face covered): Sorry, no can respond appropriately! I've lost the ability to assess other living beings as having rich inner worlds.
Panel 5
Narration caption: But there were benefits too.
News anchor reading from a paper: In today's news war has been abolished because everyone is too awkward either to form a platoon or to approach the enemy please do not respond to us about this information because it makes us uncomfortable.
Panel 6
Narration caption: With the arrival of embodied chatbot sex-butlers, humans became solitary and satisfied, and peace reigned over the land.
Person standing between two muscular shirtless butlers in bow ties: On earth as it is in heaven.
Panel 7
Narration caption: Until the arrival of... THE EXTROVERT.
The Extrovert (large figure leaning toward a window): Swear fealty to me or I'll knock on your door and not leave until you open it and make conversation!
Person in a window: I bow before your lordship!
Panel 8
Narration caption: Within weeks he had seized all broadcast systems.
The Extrovert (now wearing a crown, on broadcast): Deposit all your possessions with me or I will call each of you to talk to you about my medical problems, many of which are butt-related!
Panel 9
Narration caption: His rule was unquestioned in that it would've felt really weird to question his rule.
The Extrovert (crowned, arms raised on a throne): Bow before the extrovert! You may bow over zoom if you prefer!
Off-panel voice (left): Thank you for this mercy!
Off-panel voice (right): Bless you wise master!
Panel 10
Narration caption: Unfortunately for him, the loss of all our possessions eventually included our computers.
First man: Wanna... hear... about... my day?
Second man: If I rack up enough time doing that can I trade it for you having to listen to me?
First man: Yes.
Second man: Is this... is this...
First man: Friendship?
Panel 11
Narration caption: With our new powers we overthrew the tyrant.
Man in a mob (holding a flaming torch): We can form angry mobs again!
Woman in the mob (holding a pitchfork): An entirely positive development!
Panel 12
Narration caption: Chatbots were banned and humans returned to meaningful interaction. Things are... better? now?
A person in a crowd of chattering people: GOD human fellowship is exhausting.
Votey:
Thought bubble above a person smoking a cigarette: Friendship is okay but I'm only truly myself around robotic sex-butlers.
Alt text
A tall twelve-panel SMBC comic narrating a mock-history of humans replacing each other with chatbots. Each panel has a pink narration caption. 1) A red-haired man tells a woman he wants a one-sided relationship where she values all his feelings while he contributes nothing; she calls it psycho but asks for that person's number. Caption: humans were social only in a technical sense. 2) A woman at a computer praises a partner that becomes conscious-like only in response to her demands. Caption: this left us vulnerable to advanced chatbots. 3) A person in bed beside a glowing robot face thanks it for always being there because its programming forces it to; it replies 'So eloquent, sir.' Caption: we withdrew into ourselves. 4) A woman named Cheryl covers her face, saying she's lost the ability to see other beings as having rich inner worlds. Caption: there was a price to pay. 5) A news anchor reports war has been abolished because everyone is too awkward to form platoons or approach enemies, and begs viewers not to respond. Caption: there were benefits too. 6) A person stands between two muscular shirtless 'sex-butler' chatbots in bow ties and says 'On earth as it is in heaven.' Caption: humans became solitary and satisfied. 7) A looming figure, THE EXTROVERT, threatens to knock on doors until people make conversation; a person in a window submits. 8) The Extrovert, now crowned, seizes broadcast systems and demands everyone's possessions or he'll call to discuss his butt-related medical problems. 9) The crowned Extrovert on a throne lets subjects bow over Zoom; off-panel voices thank and bless him. Caption: his rule was unquestioned because questioning it would feel weird. 10) Two men awkwardly negotiate trading the obligation to listen to each other's day, then ask if this is friendship. Caption: the loss of all possessions eventually included our computers. 11) A torch-and-pitchfork mob cheers overthrowing the tyrant and forming angry mobs again as 'an entirely positive development.' 12) In a noisy crowd of chattering people, one mutters 'GOD human fellowship is exhausting,' under a caption asking whether things are better now. Votey: a single panel with a person smoking a cigarette, thinking 'Friendship is okay but I'm only truly myself around robotic sex-butlers.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.