evolved-4
Original: evolved-4 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Human (abductee, standing in an alien environment): Why will you not contact my species? Why only abduct a few of us?
Panel 2:
Alien: We wish to study you, but evolved species are too dangerous for diplomatic contact. Only species that have purposefully refashioned themselves are capable of reason and ethics.
Panel 3:
Human: How do you know we're evolved? Have you watched us for eons?
Panel 4:
Alien (gesturing toward a floating cube): No, the standard test is to create educational apps for download. Only evolved species will spend time gaming them in order to rack up a high score while learning nothing.
Panel 5:
Human (now smiling/grimacing): Aha.
Panel 6:
Alien (at a console near the cube): Now then, you get 7 hooray points for doing another probing.
Panel 7:
Human: 12 points or NOTHING.
Panel 8:
Alien: You drive a hard bargain but all right.
Votey:
The human, face shown with a stitched scar on the forehead, says: I was supposed to get a star sticker for the brain stuff you did.
Human (abductee, standing in an alien environment): Why will you not contact my species? Why only abduct a few of us?
Panel 2:
Alien: We wish to study you, but evolved species are too dangerous for diplomatic contact. Only species that have purposefully refashioned themselves are capable of reason and ethics.
Panel 3:
Human: How do you know we're evolved? Have you watched us for eons?
Panel 4:
Alien (gesturing toward a floating cube): No, the standard test is to create educational apps for download. Only evolved species will spend time gaming them in order to rack up a high score while learning nothing.
Panel 5:
Human (now smiling/grimacing): Aha.
Panel 6:
Alien (at a console near the cube): Now then, you get 7 hooray points for doing another probing.
Panel 7:
Human: 12 points or NOTHING.
Panel 8:
Alien: You drive a hard bargain but all right.
Votey:
The human, face shown with a stitched scar on the forehead, says: I was supposed to get a star sticker for the brain stuff you did.
Alt text
An eight-panel SMBC comic. A naked human man stands in a dim alien spaceship interior talking with an alien. The human asks why the aliens only abduct a few people instead of contacting humanity. The alien explains that evolved species are too dangerous for diplomatic contact, and only species that have purposefully refashioned themselves are capable of reason and ethics. Asked how they know humans are evolved, the alien gestures at a floating cube and says the standard test is to create educational apps for download: only evolved species will spend time gaming them to rack up a high score while learning nothing. The human smiles knowingly and says 'Aha.' The alien at a console then offers '7 hooray points for doing another probing.' The human haggles: '12 points or NOTHING.' The alien relents: 'You drive a hard bargain but all right.' Votey panel: a close-up of the human's face with a stitched surgical scar on his forehead, saying he was supposed to get a star sticker for the brain stuff the aliens did.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.