springtime-2
Original: springtime-2 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (narration): When the final theory of physics was developed, a troubling truth lay at its center.
Narration: The universe will expand until, no life is possible, then it'll crunch down like a cosmic Thigh Compactor.
Character (a woman gesturing): Aw, nuts.
Panel 2 (narration): Humanity was sad, then angry, then, at length, calculating.
Narration: God designed the universe to destroy us, so nobody would be around to stop him from destroying the cosmos.
God (figure in the clouds): We will not get away with it!
Panel 3 (narration): We expanded out into the galaxy, eventually meeting all the other civilizations. The knowledge of our shared fate produced immediate cooperation.
Panel 4 (narration): Every intelligent species in the universe embarked on a single project.
Narration: Life cannot survive beyond the epoch, but we can create a vast capacitor that stores up energy as the collapsing universe becomes infinitely hot and dense.
Panel 5 (narration): We will not be alive to see the great spring operate.
Panel 6 (narration): But all life after the great springing shall be our children and exist because of the logic embedded in this. They will rise from simple origins to repeat the cycle again.
Panel 7 (narration): And written in the mechanism of our rebellion will be the one beautiful sentiment that united a billion life forms across an infinity of time: Suck on that, creator.
Character (in the clouds, distressed): Dammit! This universe won't stay quiet! I hate it!
Votey:
A tin can with a speech bubble: I'm gonna find something alive in here, then flood its ass and ban butt-stuff!
Narration: The universe will expand until, no life is possible, then it'll crunch down like a cosmic Thigh Compactor.
Character (a woman gesturing): Aw, nuts.
Panel 2 (narration): Humanity was sad, then angry, then, at length, calculating.
Narration: God designed the universe to destroy us, so nobody would be around to stop him from destroying the cosmos.
God (figure in the clouds): We will not get away with it!
Panel 3 (narration): We expanded out into the galaxy, eventually meeting all the other civilizations. The knowledge of our shared fate produced immediate cooperation.
Panel 4 (narration): Every intelligent species in the universe embarked on a single project.
Narration: Life cannot survive beyond the epoch, but we can create a vast capacitor that stores up energy as the collapsing universe becomes infinitely hot and dense.
Panel 5 (narration): We will not be alive to see the great spring operate.
Panel 6 (narration): But all life after the great springing shall be our children and exist because of the logic embedded in this. They will rise from simple origins to repeat the cycle again.
Panel 7 (narration): And written in the mechanism of our rebellion will be the one beautiful sentiment that united a billion life forms across an infinity of time: Suck on that, creator.
Character (in the clouds, distressed): Dammit! This universe won't stay quiet! I hate it!
Votey:
A tin can with a speech bubble: I'm gonna find something alive in here, then flood its ass and ban butt-stuff!
Alt text
A tall SMBC comic narrating a far-future cosmology in seven stacked panels. A woman explains that the final theory of physics reveals the universe will expand until no life is possible, then crunch back down like a cosmic compactor; she says "Aw, nuts." Humanity grows calculating, concluding God designed the universe to destroy everyone so no one can stop him destroying the cosmos. A figure in the clouds (God) declares "We will not get away with it!" Humans expand into the galaxy and meet alien civilizations (shown as a lineup of varied creatures and robots), and shared knowledge of doom produces instant cooperation. Every intelligent species joins one project: building a vast capacitor to store energy as the collapsing universe becomes infinitely hot and dense, shown as a blinding white burst against black. None of them will live to see this "great spring" operate, but the life that rises afterward will be their children, repeating the cycle. The final panel says the one sentiment uniting a billion life forms across infinite time, written into the mechanism, is "Suck on that, creator," while the cloud figure cries "Dammit! This universe won't stay quiet! I hate it!" Votey: a single panel showing a tin can with a tiny speech bubble that says "I'm gonna find something alive in here, then flood its ass and ban butt-stuff!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.