temple
Original: temple on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Sign: WELCOME TO GENERIC TEMPLE!
A robed figure stands with arms raised on a small dais.
Panel 2:
Robed figure: PLEASE CHOOSE FROM OUR SELECTION OF RELIEVING MENTAL STATES:
Menu options:
-All this is part of a plan
-All this is temporary and will be better later
-There is no "you" to begin with, so tribulations don't matter
Panel 3:
Robed figure (arms raised before a crowd of silhouetted heads): HOLD THAT CHOICE IN YOUR HEAD AS WE ENGAGE IN A GROUP ACTIVITY SUCH AS SINGING AND/OR DANCING. AS A SOCIAL ANIMAL, YOU WILL GIVE INTO THE RELIEVING MENTAL STATE OUT OF A BELIEF THAT OTHERS HAVE DONE LIKEWISE.
Panel 4:
Robed figure: THE MENTAL STATE WILL REMAIN FOR ABOUT 6 DAYS AT WHICH POINT YOU WILL HAVE ACCUMULATED ENOUGH COUNTER-EVIDENCE TO AUTOMATICALLY RETURN TO YOUR DEFAULT STATE OF ANXIOUS TERROR.
Panel 5:
Robed figure: ON DAY 7 RETURN TO GENERIC TEMPLE FOR RENEWED MENTAL IMPROVEMENT. WE WILL REPEAT THIS CYCLE FOREVER UNTIL YOU ARE ALMOST DEAD!
A seated person (with a thought/speech bubble): THEN WHAT?
Panel 6:
Sign: YOUR CHOICE OF AFTERLIFE!
Robed figure offers another menu:
-Merge with everyone else, eliminating strife
-Perpetual happiness by assertion
-Oblivion, so you got away with all the bad stuff you did
Votey:
The robed figure leans in with a speech bubble: THANKS TO GENERIC BRANDING WE CAN OFFER YOU TITHING AT JUST 8% OF YOUR INCOME!
Sign: WELCOME TO GENERIC TEMPLE!
A robed figure stands with arms raised on a small dais.
Panel 2:
Robed figure: PLEASE CHOOSE FROM OUR SELECTION OF RELIEVING MENTAL STATES:
Menu options:
-All this is part of a plan
-All this is temporary and will be better later
-There is no "you" to begin with, so tribulations don't matter
Panel 3:
Robed figure (arms raised before a crowd of silhouetted heads): HOLD THAT CHOICE IN YOUR HEAD AS WE ENGAGE IN A GROUP ACTIVITY SUCH AS SINGING AND/OR DANCING. AS A SOCIAL ANIMAL, YOU WILL GIVE INTO THE RELIEVING MENTAL STATE OUT OF A BELIEF THAT OTHERS HAVE DONE LIKEWISE.
Panel 4:
Robed figure: THE MENTAL STATE WILL REMAIN FOR ABOUT 6 DAYS AT WHICH POINT YOU WILL HAVE ACCUMULATED ENOUGH COUNTER-EVIDENCE TO AUTOMATICALLY RETURN TO YOUR DEFAULT STATE OF ANXIOUS TERROR.
Panel 5:
Robed figure: ON DAY 7 RETURN TO GENERIC TEMPLE FOR RENEWED MENTAL IMPROVEMENT. WE WILL REPEAT THIS CYCLE FOREVER UNTIL YOU ARE ALMOST DEAD!
A seated person (with a thought/speech bubble): THEN WHAT?
Panel 6:
Sign: YOUR CHOICE OF AFTERLIFE!
Robed figure offers another menu:
-Merge with everyone else, eliminating strife
-Perpetual happiness by assertion
-Oblivion, so you got away with all the bad stuff you did
Votey:
The robed figure leans in with a speech bubble: THANKS TO GENERIC BRANDING WE CAN OFFER YOU TITHING AT JUST 8% OF YOUR INCOME!
Alt text
A multi-panel comic set in a "Generic Temple" that parodies religion as a customizable product. A red-robed, faceless figure stands on a dais beneath a sign reading "Welcome to Generic Temple!" In the next panel the figure presents a menu of "relieving mental states" to choose from: that suffering is part of a plan, that it's temporary and will get better, or that there's no "you" so tribulations don't matter. The figure, arms raised before a crowd of silhouetted heads, explains that during a group activity like singing or dancing, you'll give in to the chosen mental state because you're a social animal who assumes others have done likewise. It continues that the mental state lasts about 6 days, after which accumulated counter-evidence returns you to your "default state of anxious terror," so on day 7 you return to the temple and repeat the cycle forever until you're almost dead. A seated person asks, "Then what?" Under a sign reading "Your choice of afterlife!", the figure offers another menu: merge with everyone to eliminate strife, perpetual happiness by assertion, or oblivion so you got away with the bad things you did. In the votey, the robed figure leans in and says, "Thanks to generic branding we can offer you tithing at just 8% of your income!" The joke is treating organized religion as a no-frills generic brand with menu options and a discount tithe.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.