the-media
Original: the-media on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Person (off-panel, addressing the media): Dear the media, why do you only cover salacious opinions and passing fads? Why not things that matter?
Panel 2:
A red-haired man (representing the media), eyes closed serenely: Because you will demand more meaningful coverage right up until the moment we provide it, at which point you'll switch to a listicle about celebrity bowel movements.
Panel 3:
The media man (continuing): The average consumer will watch 6 hours of the most idiotic, inflammatory, vacuous, gossip-oriented quasi-news they can find and then complain that respectable news sites they never reference have supposedly not covered something.
Panel 4:
The media man: The public yelling at news coverage is like a guy who hasn't bathed or combed his hair in 20 years yelling at the mirror for being too ugly.
Panel 5:
The media man: In sum, fuck you. Sincerely, the media.
Panel 6:
The red-haired questioner, now holding/looking at a phone: Sorry, I lost focus for a sec there. Could you rewrite it as a headline?
Panel 7:
The media man: You won't BELIEVE how retrospectively empty this man's life will be!
Votey:
A close-up of a smiling face looking at a rectangular device (phone): If I can just die while checking my feeds I won't experience tragedy.
Person (off-panel, addressing the media): Dear the media, why do you only cover salacious opinions and passing fads? Why not things that matter?
Panel 2:
A red-haired man (representing the media), eyes closed serenely: Because you will demand more meaningful coverage right up until the moment we provide it, at which point you'll switch to a listicle about celebrity bowel movements.
Panel 3:
The media man (continuing): The average consumer will watch 6 hours of the most idiotic, inflammatory, vacuous, gossip-oriented quasi-news they can find and then complain that respectable news sites they never reference have supposedly not covered something.
Panel 4:
The media man: The public yelling at news coverage is like a guy who hasn't bathed or combed his hair in 20 years yelling at the mirror for being too ugly.
Panel 5:
The media man: In sum, fuck you. Sincerely, the media.
Panel 6:
The red-haired questioner, now holding/looking at a phone: Sorry, I lost focus for a sec there. Could you rewrite it as a headline?
Panel 7:
The media man: You won't BELIEVE how retrospectively empty this man's life will be!
Votey:
A close-up of a smiling face looking at a rectangular device (phone): If I can just die while checking my feeds I won't experience tragedy.
Alt text
A seven-panel SMBC comic. A person asks the media (drawn as a calm, red-haired man) why it only covers salacious opinions and passing fads instead of things that matter. The media man replies, eyes closed, that people will demand meaningful coverage only until it's provided, then switch to a listicle about celebrity bowel movements. He continues: the average consumer watches six hours of idiotic, inflammatory, gossip-oriented quasi-news and then complains that respectable news sites they never read failed to cover something. He compares the public yelling at news coverage to an unwashed, uncombed man yelling at a mirror for being too ugly, and concludes, 'In sum, fuck you. Sincerely, the media.' The questioner, now staring at a phone, says, 'Sorry, I lost focus for a sec there. Could you rewrite it as a headline?' The media man obliges with a clickbait headline: 'You won't BELIEVE how retrospectively empty this man's life will be!' Votey: a close-up of a smiling face gazing at a phone, thinking, 'If I can just die while checking my feeds I won't experience tragedy.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.