prime
Original: prime on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
An alien spacecraft hovers over an alien landscape. A voice from the ship broadcasts down.
Ship: PEOPLE OF EARTH!
Panel 2:
Ship: WHAT THE GODDAMN HELL?!
Panel 3:
A person on the ground responds.
Person: HUH?
Ship: WHY DO YOU KEEP SENDING OUT PRIME NUMBERS?!
Panel 4:
Person: IT'S TRUE MATHEMATICS THROUGHOUT THE UNIVERSE.
Person: SO IT'S 2+2=4, YOU SLUT?
Ship: SLUT?!
Ship: PRIME NUMBERS ARE ONLY USEFUL FOR CODEBREAKING, FOR GETTING INTO PRIVATE AREAS! WE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!
Panel 5:
A crowd of humans stands together looking up; aliens float above as glowing orbs/figures.
Alien (overhead): OH MY GOD WE'VE BEEN DOING THE GALACTIC EQUIVALENT OF THROWING OUT A MOTEL ROOM KEY TO EVERYONE WE MEET, THE MOMENT WE WERE OLD ENOUGH TO DO IT.
Caption/Alien: THE FERMI PARADOX IS RESOLVED IN THE WORST WAY POSSIBLE.
Panel 6:
A glowing tractor-beam/light shines down from the alien ship onto people on the ground.
Ground person: GOOD DAY TO YOU, SKANKS OF EARTH!
Alien (in beam): WE'VE GOT TO STOP SENDING THOSE SIGNALS OUT.
Ground person: IT'S THE ONLY WAY FORWARD.
Panel 7:
Text: DECADES HENCE, ANOTHER ALIEN SHIP ARRIVES.
New ship: GREETINGS, TRAVELERS, WE-
Ground person (cutting in): HEY. I HEARD YOU LIKE PRIMES?
Bottom caption (in green text under the comic):
THIS IS A BONUS COMIC BROUGHT TO YOU BY EARLY BUYERS OF MY NEW BOOK, A CITY ON MARS. PREORDERS REALLY HELP US, AND RESULT IN BONUS SMBC COMICS! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO. THANKS!
Votey:
A hand-drawn list inside a doodled frame.
BEINGS CANONICALLY GROSSED OUT BY HUMANITY IN SMBC:
- ROBOTS
- ALIENS
- GOD
- SATAN
- HUMANITY
An alien spacecraft hovers over an alien landscape. A voice from the ship broadcasts down.
Ship: PEOPLE OF EARTH!
Panel 2:
Ship: WHAT THE GODDAMN HELL?!
Panel 3:
A person on the ground responds.
Person: HUH?
Ship: WHY DO YOU KEEP SENDING OUT PRIME NUMBERS?!
Panel 4:
Person: IT'S TRUE MATHEMATICS THROUGHOUT THE UNIVERSE.
Person: SO IT'S 2+2=4, YOU SLUT?
Ship: SLUT?!
Ship: PRIME NUMBERS ARE ONLY USEFUL FOR CODEBREAKING, FOR GETTING INTO PRIVATE AREAS! WE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!
Panel 5:
A crowd of humans stands together looking up; aliens float above as glowing orbs/figures.
Alien (overhead): OH MY GOD WE'VE BEEN DOING THE GALACTIC EQUIVALENT OF THROWING OUT A MOTEL ROOM KEY TO EVERYONE WE MEET, THE MOMENT WE WERE OLD ENOUGH TO DO IT.
Caption/Alien: THE FERMI PARADOX IS RESOLVED IN THE WORST WAY POSSIBLE.
Panel 6:
A glowing tractor-beam/light shines down from the alien ship onto people on the ground.
Ground person: GOOD DAY TO YOU, SKANKS OF EARTH!
Alien (in beam): WE'VE GOT TO STOP SENDING THOSE SIGNALS OUT.
Ground person: IT'S THE ONLY WAY FORWARD.
Panel 7:
Text: DECADES HENCE, ANOTHER ALIEN SHIP ARRIVES.
New ship: GREETINGS, TRAVELERS, WE-
Ground person (cutting in): HEY. I HEARD YOU LIKE PRIMES?
Bottom caption (in green text under the comic):
THIS IS A BONUS COMIC BROUGHT TO YOU BY EARLY BUYERS OF MY NEW BOOK, A CITY ON MARS. PREORDERS REALLY HELP US, AND RESULT IN BONUS SMBC COMICS! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO. THANKS!
Votey:
A hand-drawn list inside a doodled frame.
BEINGS CANONICALLY GROSSED OUT BY HUMANITY IN SMBC:
- ROBOTS
- ALIENS
- GOD
- SATAN
- HUMANITY
Alt text
A seven-panel SMBC comic. An alien spaceship hovers over a landscape and broadcasts, "PEOPLE OF EARTH!" then immediately, "WHAT THE GODDAMN HELL?!" A human on the ground says "Huh?" and the ship demands, "Why do you keep sending out prime numbers?!" The human explains it's true mathematics throughout the universe ("So it's 2+2=4, you slut?" / "Slut?!"). The aliens insist prime numbers are only useful for codebreaking and getting into private areas, accusing humanity of trying to break in. The aliens then realize, horrified, that they themselves have been broadcasting primes to everyone they meet ever since they were old enough, declaring "The Fermi paradox is resolved in the worst way possible." A tractor beam shines down; a human calls them "skanks of Earth" while the aliens agree they must stop sending the signals out. Decades later another alien ship arrives saying "Greetings, travelers, we-" and a human cuts in: "Hey. I heard you like primes?" Green caption below notes this is a bonus comic for early buyers of the book A City on Mars. The votey is a hand-drawn list titled "Beings canonically grossed out by humanity in SMBC:" listing robots, aliens, God, Satan, and humanity.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.