boethius
Original: boethius on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1
Woman (sitting at a computer, red hair): DAMMIT, THIS GUY IS GETTING ALL THESE AWARDS AND HIS WORK IS JUST OKAY! IT ISN'T FAIR, AND... WHAT THE— THE GHOST OF HISTORIAN AND PHILOSOPHER BOETHIUS?!?
Panel 2
Ghost of Boethius (a robed, glowing green spirit): WHY DO YOU COVET HONORS YOU BELIEVE GO TO THE UNWORTHY?
Panel 3
Ghost of Boethius: AS I SAID ONCE,
THOUGH ROYAL PURPLE SOOTHES HIS PRIDE,
AND SNOWY PEARLS HIS NECK ADORN,
NERO IN ALL HIS RIOT LIVES
THE MARK OF UNIVERSAL SCORN.
YET HE ON REVEREND HEADS CONFERRED
TH'INGLORIOUS HONOURS OF THE STATE.
SHALL WE, THEN, DEEM THEM TRULY BLESSED
WHOM SUCH PREFERMENT HATH MADE GREAT?
Panel 4
(The woman stares blankly, then:)
Woman: YES!
Panel 5
Ghost of Boethius: THOSE AWARDS COME WITH CASH! AND SEXY PARTIES WITH AN OPEN BAR!
Woman: OH SON OF A BITCH NOBODY TOLD ME THAT.
Votey:
Woman (speaking to the ghost): I SUCK, WHY CAN'T I BE SMART LIKE YOU, EVERYTHING SUCKS.
Woman (sitting at a computer, red hair): DAMMIT, THIS GUY IS GETTING ALL THESE AWARDS AND HIS WORK IS JUST OKAY! IT ISN'T FAIR, AND... WHAT THE— THE GHOST OF HISTORIAN AND PHILOSOPHER BOETHIUS?!?
Panel 2
Ghost of Boethius (a robed, glowing green spirit): WHY DO YOU COVET HONORS YOU BELIEVE GO TO THE UNWORTHY?
Panel 3
Ghost of Boethius: AS I SAID ONCE,
THOUGH ROYAL PURPLE SOOTHES HIS PRIDE,
AND SNOWY PEARLS HIS NECK ADORN,
NERO IN ALL HIS RIOT LIVES
THE MARK OF UNIVERSAL SCORN.
YET HE ON REVEREND HEADS CONFERRED
TH'INGLORIOUS HONOURS OF THE STATE.
SHALL WE, THEN, DEEM THEM TRULY BLESSED
WHOM SUCH PREFERMENT HATH MADE GREAT?
Panel 4
(The woman stares blankly, then:)
Woman: YES!
Panel 5
Ghost of Boethius: THOSE AWARDS COME WITH CASH! AND SEXY PARTIES WITH AN OPEN BAR!
Woman: OH SON OF A BITCH NOBODY TOLD ME THAT.
Votey:
Woman (speaking to the ghost): I SUCK, WHY CAN'T I BE SMART LIKE YOU, EVERYTHING SUCKS.
Alt text
A six-panel comic. Panel 1: A red-haired woman sits at her computer, fuming: "Dammit, this guy is getting all these awards and his work is just okay! It isn't fair, and... what the— the ghost of historian and philosopher Boethius?!?" A glowing green robed spirit has appeared beside her. Panel 2: The ghost of Boethius asks, "Why do you covet honors you believe go to the unworthy?" Panel 3: Boethius recites a long verse he wrote once, about how royal purple and pearls adorned the tyrant Nero, who conferred inglorious state honors on the worthy—so should we deem people truly blessed merely because such preferment made them great? Panel 4: The woman stares silently, then flatly answers, "Yes!" Panel 5: Boethius adds, "Those awards come with cash! And sexy parties with an open bar!" The woman lights up and replies, "Oh son of a bitch, nobody told me that." The joke: Boethius's lofty philosophical argument about the worthlessness of honors is undercut by the mundane perks that actually make awards appealing. Votey (an additional single panel): The woman tells the ghost, "I suck, why can't I be smart like you, everything sucks," as Boethius's spirit looms above her downcast head.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.