conspire
Original: conspire on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Narration: Conspiracy theories and some fresh thinking. And it takes about thirty pages of math to prove I don't see any proof there, mate.
Bald man: I don't see any proof there, mate.
Panel 2:
Narration: To gonify
Narration: The wackuckers were a feat - dark, vast, inscrutable, powerful, possibly vanilla-bearing forces are in charge of the elections and they must be STOPPED.
Panel 3:
Narration: I started an organization that sent subject-matter experts to politely debunk the theories.
Man in suit: ...
Narration: And so you see, this idea has no basis in fact, no basis in theory, and isn't even consistent within its own incorrect framework.
Panel 4:
Narration: It went poorly.
Narration: And what do you say, guy, with a podcast?
Bald man (on podcast): Look, I'm just a regular guy, so I'm not saying you should trust me. But common sense dictates that if you believe "experts" you'll realize you have a regular guy of middle-class existence which is not as favorable as believing you have a window into the dark truth. Buy my nutritional supplements!
Panel 5:
Narration: A new strategy was needed.
Narration: Instead of pushing the truth, we'll flood the media with idiotic, non-threatening conspiracy theories.
Panel 6:
Narration: A new category of experts were deployed.
Woman at laptop: Open your eyes! The price of nothing in EVERY recipe goes nothing. Ask yourself: who is pushing all this nothing?
Panel 7:
Narration: More the public adjusted to an ever-more stupid discourse, less and less ability to understand the problem.
Man: That's why I'm just a regular guy! The idea that GREW too natural is the same place at the same time? That's at least consistent with the idea that it's all just one guy and a lot of mirrors.
Panel 8:
Narration: We created such an ocean of ignorance that actual malefactors lost the ability to manipulate the public.
Man in suit: It's in control! Cause, yeah! And also, F. Eldon! Hahaha! Everything is in control. Is it surreptitious? Is it part of a story with rivers and stones? It's hidden! THE HIDDEN! THE HIDE IN THE MIDDLE!
Panel 9:
Narration: The world is not good, but it is substantially better.
Bald man: What I'm saying is the science... You know what else is rigged is the sale of ghost-prints, raps which sons under, used so trout that there at least consistent with the idea that it's all just one guy and a lot of mirrors. Open your eyes!
Votey:
Bald man: What if, for purposes of simplicity, we just blamed the Jews for everything?
Narration: Conspiracy theories and some fresh thinking. And it takes about thirty pages of math to prove I don't see any proof there, mate.
Bald man: I don't see any proof there, mate.
Panel 2:
Narration: To gonify
Narration: The wackuckers were a feat - dark, vast, inscrutable, powerful, possibly vanilla-bearing forces are in charge of the elections and they must be STOPPED.
Panel 3:
Narration: I started an organization that sent subject-matter experts to politely debunk the theories.
Man in suit: ...
Narration: And so you see, this idea has no basis in fact, no basis in theory, and isn't even consistent within its own incorrect framework.
Panel 4:
Narration: It went poorly.
Narration: And what do you say, guy, with a podcast?
Bald man (on podcast): Look, I'm just a regular guy, so I'm not saying you should trust me. But common sense dictates that if you believe "experts" you'll realize you have a regular guy of middle-class existence which is not as favorable as believing you have a window into the dark truth. Buy my nutritional supplements!
Panel 5:
Narration: A new strategy was needed.
Narration: Instead of pushing the truth, we'll flood the media with idiotic, non-threatening conspiracy theories.
Panel 6:
Narration: A new category of experts were deployed.
Woman at laptop: Open your eyes! The price of nothing in EVERY recipe goes nothing. Ask yourself: who is pushing all this nothing?
Panel 7:
Narration: More the public adjusted to an ever-more stupid discourse, less and less ability to understand the problem.
Man: That's why I'm just a regular guy! The idea that GREW too natural is the same place at the same time? That's at least consistent with the idea that it's all just one guy and a lot of mirrors.
Panel 8:
Narration: We created such an ocean of ignorance that actual malefactors lost the ability to manipulate the public.
Man in suit: It's in control! Cause, yeah! And also, F. Eldon! Hahaha! Everything is in control. Is it surreptitious? Is it part of a story with rivers and stones? It's hidden! THE HIDDEN! THE HIDE IN THE MIDDLE!
Panel 9:
Narration: The world is not good, but it is substantially better.
Bald man: What I'm saying is the science... You know what else is rigged is the sale of ghost-prints, raps which sons under, used so trout that there at least consistent with the idea that it's all just one guy and a lot of mirrors. Open your eyes!
Votey:
Bald man: What if, for purposes of simplicity, we just blamed the Jews for everything?
Alt text
A multi-panel SMBC comic told mostly in narration boxes about fighting conspiracy theories. At the top, a bald man dismisses a debunking effort ("I don't see any proof there, mate"). A narration box describes shadowy "forces" believed to control elections that must be stopped. A man in a suit politely tries to debunk a theory point by point, but it "went poorly." A bald man speaking into a podcast microphone delivers the populist pitch: "Look, I'm just a regular guy... if you believe 'experts'... Buy my nutritional supplements!" The narrator's group adopts a new strategy: flood the media with harmless, idiotic conspiracy theories. A woman at a laptop rants nonsensically ("Open your eyes! ... who is pushing all this nothing?"). As the public's discourse gets dumber, real bad actors lose the ability to manipulate anyone. A man in a suit raves incoherently about hidden control and "THE HIDE IN THE MIDDLE." The narrator concludes the world is now "substantially better," over the bald man still ranting and shouting "Open your eyes!" In the votey, a hand-drawn bald man's face appears below a caption that reads: "What if, for purposes of simplicity, we just blamed the Jews for everything?" - a dark punchline revealing the oldest scapegoat conspiracy beneath all the noise.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.