duck
Original: duck on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
An older man in a suit (standing, gesturing) to a curly-haired person at a computer: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?! WHY DON'T YOU GET A REAL JOB?"
Panel 2:
The curly-haired person at the computer: "I'M WRITING A HYPERREALISTIC NOVEL ABOUT A DUCK WHO GAINS HUMAN-LEVEL INTELLIGENCE."
Panel 3:
Narration (over a scene of a cartoon duck walking past a person in a red dress): "HE TRIES TO FIND LOVE AMONG HUMANS, BUT IS REJECTED AS OFFPUTTING AND ALIEN."
Panel 4:
Narration (over the duck at a laptop, looking intense): "HIS COMBINATION OF LUST AND DESIRE TO SHARE AFFECTION LEADS TO A PATHOLOGICAL OBSESSION WITH GIVING ORAL SEX."
Sound from the laptop: "OHHH"
Panel 5:
Narration (over the duck at the laptop): "THIS GOES ON FOR SEVERAL HUNDRED PAGES AS THE DUCK SPIRALS DOWN AND DOWN, UNTIL ONE NIGHT HE WINDS UP IN A HOTEL ROOM WITH A DOZEN NAKED HEROIN-ADDLED WOMEN AND MEN LINED UP BEFORE HIM ON A HUGE BED."
Panel 6:
The man in the suit: "OKAY, BUT WHY?"
Panel 7:
Narration (over a silhouette of two figures at a hotel front desk): "HE CALLS THE FRONT DESK AND ASKS FOR A CONDOM. WHEN THE PORTER ARRIVES, THE DUCK SAYS 'PUT IT ON MY BILL.'"
Speech from the scene: "POETRY. THIS IS POETRY."
Votey:
A loose black-ink sketch of two figures close together with a third small figure nearby beside what appears to be a chair or bed edge; no text.
An older man in a suit (standing, gesturing) to a curly-haired person at a computer: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?! WHY DON'T YOU GET A REAL JOB?"
Panel 2:
The curly-haired person at the computer: "I'M WRITING A HYPERREALISTIC NOVEL ABOUT A DUCK WHO GAINS HUMAN-LEVEL INTELLIGENCE."
Panel 3:
Narration (over a scene of a cartoon duck walking past a person in a red dress): "HE TRIES TO FIND LOVE AMONG HUMANS, BUT IS REJECTED AS OFFPUTTING AND ALIEN."
Panel 4:
Narration (over the duck at a laptop, looking intense): "HIS COMBINATION OF LUST AND DESIRE TO SHARE AFFECTION LEADS TO A PATHOLOGICAL OBSESSION WITH GIVING ORAL SEX."
Sound from the laptop: "OHHH"
Panel 5:
Narration (over the duck at the laptop): "THIS GOES ON FOR SEVERAL HUNDRED PAGES AS THE DUCK SPIRALS DOWN AND DOWN, UNTIL ONE NIGHT HE WINDS UP IN A HOTEL ROOM WITH A DOZEN NAKED HEROIN-ADDLED WOMEN AND MEN LINED UP BEFORE HIM ON A HUGE BED."
Panel 6:
The man in the suit: "OKAY, BUT WHY?"
Panel 7:
Narration (over a silhouette of two figures at a hotel front desk): "HE CALLS THE FRONT DESK AND ASKS FOR A CONDOM. WHEN THE PORTER ARRIVES, THE DUCK SAYS 'PUT IT ON MY BILL.'"
Speech from the scene: "POETRY. THIS IS POETRY."
Votey:
A loose black-ink sketch of two figures close together with a third small figure nearby beside what appears to be a chair or bed edge; no text.
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic. Panel 1: a man in a suit gestures angrily at a curly-haired person sitting at a computer, shouting, "What are you doing with your life?! Why don't you get a real job?" Panel 2: the person at the computer replies, "I'm writing a hyperrealistic novel about a duck who gains human-level intelligence." Panel 3: a cartoon duck walks past a figure in a red dress; narration reads, "He tries to find love among humans, but is rejected as offputting and alien." Panel 4: the duck sits intently at a laptop (which emits "OHHH"); narration reads, "His combination of lust and desire to share affection leads to a pathological obsession with giving oral sex." Panel 5: the duck at the laptop; narration describes the novel spiraling on for hundreds of pages until the duck ends up in a hotel room with a dozen naked heroin-addled people lined up on a huge bed. Panel 6: the man in the suit asks flatly, "Okay, but why?" Panel 7: silhouettes of two figures at a hotel front desk; narration says the duck calls the front desk for a condom, and when the porter arrives the duck says "Put it on my bill" (a pun, since a duck has a bill). A voice declares, "Poetry. This is poetry." Votey: a loose black-ink sketch of two figures leaning close together with a smaller figure beside a chair, no text.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.