evolved-3
Original: evolved-3 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Woman (speech bubble): DEAR EVOLUTION, WHY DID WE EVOLVE TO BE AWARE OF OUR INEVITABLE DEMISE? WAS IT A BYPRODUCT OF CONSCIOUSNESS AND VAST INTELLIGENCE?
Green blob (small reply): NAH.
Panel 2:
Green blob (large dripping speech bubble): AWARENESS OF MORTALITY IS AN EVOLVED TRAIT DESIGNED TO ENCOURAGE EXCESSIVE DRINKING AND ILL-ADVISED UNPROTECTED SEX.
Panel 3:
Green blob: LOOK! YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT DOING IT RIGHT NOW!
Green blob (continued): SOMEWHERE OUT THERE, A GIRL IS BEING BORN WHO WILL GROW UP TO HAVE AN ABIDING AND BEAUTIFUL AWARENESS OF HOW FINITE MOMENTS ARE INFINITE IN THEIR TRANSCENDENCE AND SHE WILL NEVER, NEVER ACCIDENTALLY MAKE A BABY IN THE ALLEYWAY BEHIND KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN.
Panel 4:
Woman (speech bubble): BUT I THOUGHT "WINE IS PROOF THAT GOD LOVES US."
Green blob (dripping): WHO.?
Votey:
Voice (offscreen speech bubble, addressing a smiling cherubic face): I'M SORRY YOU BELIEVED IN A STUPID THING, BUT IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM.
Woman (speech bubble): DEAR EVOLUTION, WHY DID WE EVOLVE TO BE AWARE OF OUR INEVITABLE DEMISE? WAS IT A BYPRODUCT OF CONSCIOUSNESS AND VAST INTELLIGENCE?
Green blob (small reply): NAH.
Panel 2:
Green blob (large dripping speech bubble): AWARENESS OF MORTALITY IS AN EVOLVED TRAIT DESIGNED TO ENCOURAGE EXCESSIVE DRINKING AND ILL-ADVISED UNPROTECTED SEX.
Panel 3:
Green blob: LOOK! YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT DOING IT RIGHT NOW!
Green blob (continued): SOMEWHERE OUT THERE, A GIRL IS BEING BORN WHO WILL GROW UP TO HAVE AN ABIDING AND BEAUTIFUL AWARENESS OF HOW FINITE MOMENTS ARE INFINITE IN THEIR TRANSCENDENCE AND SHE WILL NEVER, NEVER ACCIDENTALLY MAKE A BABY IN THE ALLEYWAY BEHIND KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN.
Panel 4:
Woman (speech bubble): BUT I THOUGHT "WINE IS PROOF THAT GOD LOVES US."
Green blob (dripping): WHO.?
Votey:
Voice (offscreen speech bubble, addressing a smiling cherubic face): I'M SORRY YOU BELIEVED IN A STUPID THING, BUT IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM.
Alt text
A four-panel SMBC comic. A woman with brown hair speaks to a glowing green dripping blob that represents Evolution. Panel 1: The woman asks, "Dear evolution, why did we evolve to be aware of our inevitable demise? Was it a byproduct of consciousness and vast intelligence?" A small green blob replies, "Nah." Panel 2: The green blob answers, "Awareness of mortality is an evolved trait designed to encourage excessive drinking and ill-advised unprotected sex," while the woman frowns. Panel 3: The blob adds, "Look! You're thinking about doing it right now!" and continues at length: "Somewhere out there, a girl is being born who will grow up to have an abiding and beautiful awareness of how finite moments are infinite in their transcendence and she will never, never accidentally make a baby in the alleyway behind Kentucky Fried Chicken." Panel 4: The woman, looking deflated, says, "But I thought 'Wine is proof that God loves us.'" The dripping green blob replies, "Who.?" Votey: A smiling, cherub-like face (implying God) is told by an offscreen voice in a speech bubble, "I'm sorry you believed in a stupid thing, but it's not my problem."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.