soulmate-2
Original: soulmate-2 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Salesperson (off-panel, speaking to a green-haired person and a red-haired person): Thanks to advanced AI, you don't have to wait for a soulmate! We can create one based on your objectively-assessed psychological parameters!
Panel 2:
Salesperson: Someone who'll appreciate your innermost wants and share their own! Someone who'll help you get up when you're down! Someone strong where you are weak and guidin' where you are strong! Someone to push you to be your strongest, most beautiful, most honest self!
Panel 3:
Green-haired person: Ah. Right. Right. Right. Right. The thing, however, is that...
Green-haired person: *sigh*
Panel 4:
Salesperson: We also have a sexy robot that'll insist none of your problems are your fault and will do the dishes.
Panel 5:
A silhouetted figure (the customer): It's cool with emotional neglect, right?
Votey:
A person (drawn in simple black-and-white line art): I would like it to treat me like people but never make eye contact.
Salesperson (off-panel, speaking to a green-haired person and a red-haired person): Thanks to advanced AI, you don't have to wait for a soulmate! We can create one based on your objectively-assessed psychological parameters!
Panel 2:
Salesperson: Someone who'll appreciate your innermost wants and share their own! Someone who'll help you get up when you're down! Someone strong where you are weak and guidin' where you are strong! Someone to push you to be your strongest, most beautiful, most honest self!
Panel 3:
Green-haired person: Ah. Right. Right. Right. Right. The thing, however, is that...
Green-haired person: *sigh*
Panel 4:
Salesperson: We also have a sexy robot that'll insist none of your problems are your fault and will do the dishes.
Panel 5:
A silhouetted figure (the customer): It's cool with emotional neglect, right?
Votey:
A person (drawn in simple black-and-white line art): I would like it to treat me like people but never make eye contact.
Alt text
A five-panel SMBC comic. An unseen salesperson pitches an AI partner to a green-haired person and a red-haired person standing in front of a screen. The salesperson says advanced AI means you don't have to wait for a soulmate; they can create one from your objectively-assessed psychological parameters. The pitch swells: someone who appreciates your innermost wants and shares their own, helps you up when you're down, is strong where you're weak, and pushes you to be your strongest, most beautiful, most honest self. The green-haired person responds with a flat, deflating string of 'Ah. Right. Right. Right. Right. The thing, however, is that...' followed by a sigh. The salesperson immediately pivots: 'We also have a sexy robot that'll insist none of your problems are your fault and will do the dishes.' In the final panel two figures appear in silhouette and one asks, 'It's cool with emotional neglect, right?' The joke: people don't actually want the idealized growth-partner soulmate, they want the low-effort robot that validates them and does chores. Votey (aftercomic): a simple line drawing of a person's head with the caption 'I would like it to treat me like people but never make eye contact.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.