dead-2
Original: dead-2 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man (startled, looking off-panel): DEATH?! IS THAT YOU!?
Panel 2:
A skeletal hand reaches toward the man.
Dead Hand of the Past: HA, NO! COMMON MISTAKE. I'M THE DEAD HAND OF THE PAST.
Panel 3:
Dead Hand of the Past: I DON'T KILL. I JUST CAUSE PROFOUND CHANGES TO YOUR LIFE THAT YOU DON'T PERCEIVE.
Panel 4:
Dead Hand of the Past: DID YOU KNOW YOU'D BE IN A HIGHER INCOME QUINTILE IF YOU HAD NORMAN ANCESTORS RATHER THAN ANGLO ANCESTORS?
Panel 5:
Dead Hand of the Past: ISN'T THAT AMAZING? SOME FRENCHMEN SHOW UP ON THE BEACH A THOUSAND YEARS AGO. KING GETS AN ARROW TO THE EYE. NOW YOU CAN'T AFFORD AN APARTMENT NEAR WORK.
Panel 6:
Man: I HATE YOU, DEAD HAND OF THE PAST.
Dead Hand of the Past: HEY, YOU SHOULD SEE HOW WOMEN FEEL ABOUT ME.
Votey:
Close-up of a woman's face above a thought/speech caption.
Text: I ALWAYS SUSPECTED THE FRENCH WERE TO BLAME.
Man (startled, looking off-panel): DEATH?! IS THAT YOU!?
Panel 2:
A skeletal hand reaches toward the man.
Dead Hand of the Past: HA, NO! COMMON MISTAKE. I'M THE DEAD HAND OF THE PAST.
Panel 3:
Dead Hand of the Past: I DON'T KILL. I JUST CAUSE PROFOUND CHANGES TO YOUR LIFE THAT YOU DON'T PERCEIVE.
Panel 4:
Dead Hand of the Past: DID YOU KNOW YOU'D BE IN A HIGHER INCOME QUINTILE IF YOU HAD NORMAN ANCESTORS RATHER THAN ANGLO ANCESTORS?
Panel 5:
Dead Hand of the Past: ISN'T THAT AMAZING? SOME FRENCHMEN SHOW UP ON THE BEACH A THOUSAND YEARS AGO. KING GETS AN ARROW TO THE EYE. NOW YOU CAN'T AFFORD AN APARTMENT NEAR WORK.
Panel 6:
Man: I HATE YOU, DEAD HAND OF THE PAST.
Dead Hand of the Past: HEY, YOU SHOULD SEE HOW WOMEN FEEL ABOUT ME.
Votey:
Close-up of a woman's face above a thought/speech caption.
Text: I ALWAYS SUSPECTED THE FRENCH WERE TO BLAME.
Alt text
A six-panel comic. A worried man, lounging in a red chair, sees a skeletal hand reaching toward him and asks, "Death?! Is that you!?" The hand replies, "Ha, no! Common mistake. I'm the Dead Hand of the Past." It explains, "I don't kill. I just cause profound changes to your life that you don't perceive." It continues, "Did you know you'd be in a higher income quintile if you had Norman ancestors rather than Anglo ancestors? Isn't that amazing? Some Frenchmen show up on the beach a thousand years ago. King gets an arrow to the eye. Now you can't afford an apartment near work." The man, now sitting in the dark, says, "I hate you, Dead Hand of the Past," and the disembodied skeletal hand answers, "Hey, you should see how women feel about me." Votey: a close-up of a woman's face with the caption, "I always suspected the French were to blame."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.