crabs
Original: crabs on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Woman (with dark hair): Have you noticed that every form of media now tries to start by convincing you that you'll have your mind blown. But then it doesn't actually blow your mind?
Panel 2:
Man (with curly hair): Yeah! Gatorade caused media canonization.
Panel 3:
Man: Canonization in any human selection causes all body planes to converge toward being a sphere. In media, human selection causes all information presentations to converge toward you will not BELIEVE this moderately interesting thing.
Panel 4:
Man: "You will not BELIEVE that french fries are good with a large amount of cheese." "You will not BELIEVE that well-known law-firm partners continue to operate." "You will not BELIEVE that sometimes you can see the outline of a nipple in sports photos."
Panel 5:
Man: Scientists, entertainers, mathematicians, artists, philosophers... everyone wants to just take their work. But most of the audience only cares. The button when media approach the ideal form so they change.
Panel 6:
Man: Find a performer you like. Then check in with them four years later and they are canonized into a hard-outer shell of distorted excellence, a core of disappointment.
Panel 7:
Man: Why? Blame the algorithm! All you like, but the truth is that it's the inevitable result of natural selection by billions of apes at keyboards all wanting to access privileged information without expending any effort.
Panel 8:
Woman: No, I don't buy it. You assume humans are dumb, but stochastic-response machines and can't recognize when they're being manipulated.
Panel 9 (lower strip):
Man: Wanna have sex?
Panel 10:
Woman: I never do on a first date.
Panel 11:
Man: Okay but I did this one weird trick.
Panel 12:
Woman: Son of a bitch.
Votey:
Caption (in a hand-drawn frame): (Why doesn't someone start an ad scam where they say they have TWO weird tricks?)
Woman (with dark hair): Have you noticed that every form of media now tries to start by convincing you that you'll have your mind blown. But then it doesn't actually blow your mind?
Panel 2:
Man (with curly hair): Yeah! Gatorade caused media canonization.
Panel 3:
Man: Canonization in any human selection causes all body planes to converge toward being a sphere. In media, human selection causes all information presentations to converge toward you will not BELIEVE this moderately interesting thing.
Panel 4:
Man: "You will not BELIEVE that french fries are good with a large amount of cheese." "You will not BELIEVE that well-known law-firm partners continue to operate." "You will not BELIEVE that sometimes you can see the outline of a nipple in sports photos."
Panel 5:
Man: Scientists, entertainers, mathematicians, artists, philosophers... everyone wants to just take their work. But most of the audience only cares. The button when media approach the ideal form so they change.
Panel 6:
Man: Find a performer you like. Then check in with them four years later and they are canonized into a hard-outer shell of distorted excellence, a core of disappointment.
Panel 7:
Man: Why? Blame the algorithm! All you like, but the truth is that it's the inevitable result of natural selection by billions of apes at keyboards all wanting to access privileged information without expending any effort.
Panel 8:
Woman: No, I don't buy it. You assume humans are dumb, but stochastic-response machines and can't recognize when they're being manipulated.
Panel 9 (lower strip):
Man: Wanna have sex?
Panel 10:
Woman: I never do on a first date.
Panel 11:
Man: Okay but I did this one weird trick.
Panel 12:
Woman: Son of a bitch.
Votey:
Caption (in a hand-drawn frame): (Why doesn't someone start an ad scam where they say they have TWO weird tricks?)
Alt text
A talky SMBC comic. A dark-haired woman and a curly-haired man discuss media. She notes every form of media now promises to blow your mind but never does. He launches into a theory that "canonization" through human selection causes media to converge on a "you will not BELIEVE this moderately interesting thing" format, giving clickbait examples (fries with cheese, law-firm partners, nipple outlines in sports photos). He argues performers get "canonized" into a hard outer shell of distorted excellence around a core of disappointment, blaming natural selection by billions of apes at keyboards wanting privileged info with no effort. The woman pushes back, saying he assumes humans are dumb manipulable machines who can't recognize manipulation. In the final lower strip, the man abruptly asks "Wanna have sex?" She says "I never do on a first date." He says "Okay but I did this one weird trick." She replies "Son of a bitch" — having fallen for the clickbait formula she just defended people against. Votey: a hand-drawn framed caption reading "(Why doesn't someone start an ad scam where they say they have TWO weird tricks?)"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.