civilization
Original: civilization on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (green alien on a video screen, addressing a crowd):
Alien: GREETINGS LEADERS OF EARTH!
Panel 2 (a small group of human leaders):
Alien: HUMANITY CAN JOIN THE GALACTIC FEDERATION, IF YOU PASS THE TEST!
Human: WHAT'S THE TEST?
Panel 3 (alien on the big screen above an audience):
Alien: EACH HUMAN MUST SPEAK TO US INDIVIDUALLY ON A VIDEO CONFERENCE, AND NOT ONE OF THEM MUST FLASH THEIR GENITALS TO US DURING A 30 SECOND CONVERSATION.
Panel 4:
Alien: NOT ONE? NOT EVEN ONE?
Alien: YOU'RE PROVING YOU'RE A CIVILIZED SPECIES.
Panel 5 (a human leader):
Human: YOU MUST MEAN ONE PERCENT.
Panel 6:
Human: I MEAN NO ONE MUST-
Human: WHAT COUNTS AS FLASHING? HALF A SECOND? QUARTER SECOND?
Human: FOR GOD'S SAKE, ANY AMOUNT OF- HEY! STOP THAT!
Panel 7 (alien looking distressed amid the crowd):
(no dialogue)
Panel 8 (close-up of the alien, dismayed):
Caption/Alien narration: AND THAT'S WHEN THE AUSTRIAN CHANCELLOR TOOK HIS PANTS OFF.
Panel 9 (several aliens sitting at a bar/table, one with its head in its hands):
(no dialogue)
Votey:
An alien with a speech bubble: TIME TO SEND ANOTHER ASTEROID.
Alien: GREETINGS LEADERS OF EARTH!
Panel 2 (a small group of human leaders):
Alien: HUMANITY CAN JOIN THE GALACTIC FEDERATION, IF YOU PASS THE TEST!
Human: WHAT'S THE TEST?
Panel 3 (alien on the big screen above an audience):
Alien: EACH HUMAN MUST SPEAK TO US INDIVIDUALLY ON A VIDEO CONFERENCE, AND NOT ONE OF THEM MUST FLASH THEIR GENITALS TO US DURING A 30 SECOND CONVERSATION.
Panel 4:
Alien: NOT ONE? NOT EVEN ONE?
Alien: YOU'RE PROVING YOU'RE A CIVILIZED SPECIES.
Panel 5 (a human leader):
Human: YOU MUST MEAN ONE PERCENT.
Panel 6:
Human: I MEAN NO ONE MUST-
Human: WHAT COUNTS AS FLASHING? HALF A SECOND? QUARTER SECOND?
Human: FOR GOD'S SAKE, ANY AMOUNT OF- HEY! STOP THAT!
Panel 7 (alien looking distressed amid the crowd):
(no dialogue)
Panel 8 (close-up of the alien, dismayed):
Caption/Alien narration: AND THAT'S WHEN THE AUSTRIAN CHANCELLOR TOOK HIS PANTS OFF.
Panel 9 (several aliens sitting at a bar/table, one with its head in its hands):
(no dialogue)
Votey:
An alien with a speech bubble: TIME TO SEND ANOTHER ASTEROID.
Alt text
An SMBC comic. Green aliens appear on a video screen announcing themselves to Earth's leaders: "Greetings leaders of Earth! Humanity can join the Galactic Federation, if you pass the test!" A human asks what the test is. The alien explains the test: each human must speak to the aliens individually on a video conference, and not one of them may flash their genitals during a 30-second conversation. The humans are baffled that the standard is zero - one asks "Not one? Not even one?" and another insists "You must mean one percent," while others quibble: "What counts as flashing? Half a second? Quarter second?" and "For God's sake, any amount of- Hey! Stop that!" A caption reads: "And that's when the Austrian Chancellor took his pants off." In the final panel the aliens sit defeated at a bar, one slumped with its head buried in its hands. Votey: a single alien, looking dismayed, says "Time to send another asteroid." The joke: humanity is so incapable of meeting the bare-minimum standard of not flashing aliens that the aliens give up and decide to wipe out Earth instead.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.