almost-one
Original: almost-one on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
A bald person in a pink top (holding a rock) speaks to a person with dark hair.
Bald person: Look at this rock. Is it a dog?
Dark-haired person: I... no.
Panel 2:
Bald person: Wrong. It is not a GOOD dog. But it has some dog characteristics — it has mass. It can be found outside. Humans may enjoy holding it.
Panel 3:
Bald person: You see, every object in the cosmos is a shitty version of every other object. The rock is a shitty dog. That sunset is a shitty cheese platter. The air we breathe is a crappy version of a gerbil.
Panel 4:
The two figures stand on a path at sunset, the bald person gesturing.
Panel 5:
Bald person: We are all an absolute garbage version of all other things. We are one, only we're just terrible at it.
Panel 6:
(Silent panel — dark red sky.)
Panel 7:
Dark-haired person: I'm not sure I'm ready to become a "shitty monist."
Panel 8:
Bald person (grinning): Ah, but you see, you are already a shitty version of one!
Votey:
A figure with a speech bubble.
Figure: Shit.
A bald person in a pink top (holding a rock) speaks to a person with dark hair.
Bald person: Look at this rock. Is it a dog?
Dark-haired person: I... no.
Panel 2:
Bald person: Wrong. It is not a GOOD dog. But it has some dog characteristics — it has mass. It can be found outside. Humans may enjoy holding it.
Panel 3:
Bald person: You see, every object in the cosmos is a shitty version of every other object. The rock is a shitty dog. That sunset is a shitty cheese platter. The air we breathe is a crappy version of a gerbil.
Panel 4:
The two figures stand on a path at sunset, the bald person gesturing.
Panel 5:
Bald person: We are all an absolute garbage version of all other things. We are one, only we're just terrible at it.
Panel 6:
(Silent panel — dark red sky.)
Panel 7:
Dark-haired person: I'm not sure I'm ready to become a "shitty monist."
Panel 8:
Bald person (grinning): Ah, but you see, you are already a shitty version of one!
Votey:
A figure with a speech bubble.
Figure: Shit.
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic. A bald person in a pink top holds a rock and lectures a dark-haired companion. Panel 1: "Look at this rock. Is it a dog?" The companion replies, "I... no." Panel 2: "Wrong. It is not a GOOD dog. But it has some dog characteristics — it has mass. It can be found outside. Humans may enjoy holding it." Panel 3 (over a sunset landscape): "You see, every object in the cosmos is a shitty version of every other object. The rock is a shitty dog. That sunset is a shitty cheese platter. The air we breathe is a crappy version of a gerbil." The two stand on a path at sunset. "We are all an absolute garbage version of all other things. We are one, only we're just terrible at it." The companion: "I'm not sure I'm ready to become a 'shitty monist.'" The bald person grins: "Ah, but you see, you are already a shitty version of one!" — a joke twisting philosophical monism (all things are one) into universal mediocrity. Votey: a roughly sketched figure with a speech bubble simply saying "Shit."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.