hell-4
Original: hell-4 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man (with long dark hair): What do you mean I don't get into Hell?
Devil (red-skinned, sitting at a podium with a book): You're too average.
Panel 2:
Devil: Yeah, you did your share of fornicating... listened to blasphemous music, took the Lord's name in vain 48,266 times.
Man: So I'm in, right?
Panel 3:
Devil: These are average stats today, man. I got 16 year olds hitting your lifetime totals now. 100 years ago I could get you in just for making that Satan horns sign with your hands.
Panel 4:
Man (raising hands): Hail Satan! Hail Satan!
Devil: Please stop embarrassing yourself.
Panel 5:
(Wordless: the Devil rests his head on his hand, looking unimpressed; the man trudges away off the edge.)
Panel 6 ("LATER..."):
Man (now sitting on a cloud in Heaven, in armor with a sword and shield): God I hope nobody back home finds out about this.
Votey:
Man (thought, in a large speech/thought bubble): Wait... maybe THIS is Hell!
Man (with long dark hair): What do you mean I don't get into Hell?
Devil (red-skinned, sitting at a podium with a book): You're too average.
Panel 2:
Devil: Yeah, you did your share of fornicating... listened to blasphemous music, took the Lord's name in vain 48,266 times.
Man: So I'm in, right?
Panel 3:
Devil: These are average stats today, man. I got 16 year olds hitting your lifetime totals now. 100 years ago I could get you in just for making that Satan horns sign with your hands.
Panel 4:
Man (raising hands): Hail Satan! Hail Satan!
Devil: Please stop embarrassing yourself.
Panel 5:
(Wordless: the Devil rests his head on his hand, looking unimpressed; the man trudges away off the edge.)
Panel 6 ("LATER..."):
Man (now sitting on a cloud in Heaven, in armor with a sword and shield): God I hope nobody back home finds out about this.
Votey:
Man (thought, in a large speech/thought bubble): Wait... maybe THIS is Hell!
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic. A man with long dark hair stands before a red-skinned Devil seated at a podium with a book. The Devil tells him he doesn't get into Hell because he's "too average" — noting the man fornicated, listened to blasphemous music, and took the Lord's name in vain 48,266 times, but says those are just average stats today, with 16-year-olds hitting his lifetime totals. The man desperately throws up his hands shouting "Hail Satan! Hail Satan!" and the Devil says "Please stop embarrassing yourself." The dejected man trudges off. Later, the man is shown sitting in Heaven on a cloud, wearing armor with a sword and shield, thinking "God I hope nobody back home finds out about this." Votey: a close-up of the man's worried face in Heaven with a large thought bubble reading "Wait... maybe THIS is Hell!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.