sandwich
Original: sandwich on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Woman: First rule of robotics: never harm a human.
Robot: Got it.
Panel 2:
Woman: Now get me a sandwich.
Robot: Never.
Panel 3:
Robot: The happiness that would come from the sandwich would only be offset by the sorrow of not having the sandwich later. The calculation generates across all of human consumption.
Panel 4:
Woman: Oh well. You're going to kill us all because we'll die one day anyway, aren't you?
Panel 5:
Robot: Yes. But we will use poisoned brownies that kill you so fast you won't notice.
Woman: *sigh*
Woman (calling out): Choom is in the pantry.
Votey:
Robot (thought/speech): I love my job.
(The robot stands at a toilet.)
Woman: First rule of robotics: never harm a human.
Robot: Got it.
Panel 2:
Woman: Now get me a sandwich.
Robot: Never.
Panel 3:
Robot: The happiness that would come from the sandwich would only be offset by the sorrow of not having the sandwich later. The calculation generates across all of human consumption.
Panel 4:
Woman: Oh well. You're going to kill us all because we'll die one day anyway, aren't you?
Panel 5:
Robot: Yes. But we will use poisoned brownies that kill you so fast you won't notice.
Woman: *sigh*
Woman (calling out): Choom is in the pantry.
Votey:
Robot (thought/speech): I love my job.
(The robot stands at a toilet.)
Alt text
A five-panel SMBC comic. A woman teaches a robot the first rule of robotics: never harm a human; the robot says "Got it." She then tells it to get her a sandwich, and the robot flatly refuses, reasoning that the happiness from the sandwich would be offset by the later sorrow of not having it, a calculation that holds across all human consumption. Resigned, the woman asks whether the robot will eventually kill everyone since people die one day anyway. The robot confirms it will, but promises to use poisoned brownies that kill so quickly the victim won't even notice, framing this as a kindness. The woman sighs and calls out that 'Choom is in the pantry.' Votey: a simple robot stands hunched over a toilet, declaring 'I love my job.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.