pp
Original: pp on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (title/setup): A glowing lightbulb sits on a hilltop podium against a dark red sky with lightning bolts.
Voice (from offstage / overhead): "THE PHYSICISTS HAVE HAD IT TOO GOOD FOR TOO LONG!"
Caption: AT THE ANNUAL N-TUPLE OF ANGRY LOGICIANS...
Panel 2: A woman in a red blazer speaks animatedly on a stage with red curtains.
Woman: "WHY IS IT THAT WHEN HUXTERS SELL SNAKE OIL, IT'S *QUANTUM* THIS AND *UNCERTAINTY* THAT? COMPUTER SCIENCE FURNISHES JUST AS MANY OPPORTUNITIES TO LIE TO THE CONSUMER!"
Panel 3:
Woman: "WHY AREN'T THERE MEDITATION SESSIONS WHERE A GUY IN ROBES TELLS YOU THE CONSCIOUS MIND IS NP-COMPLETE, BUT IF YOU BREATHE PROPERLY THEN P=NP?!"
Panel 4:
Woman: "GODEL! GODEL SAYS THERE ARE ALWAYS TRUTHS THAT CAN'T BE PROVED WITHIN A LOGICAL SYSTEM! WHY IS THIS NOT USED TO SELL VITAMIN WATER OR SOME FANCY KIND OF ENEMA?!"
Panel 5:
Woman: "OUR FINDINGS ARE JUST AS EASILY MISCONSTRUED AS THEIRS! WHERE IS THE 'BQP SPORTS DRINK'? WHERE IS THE CHIROPRACTOR PROMISING TO CURE YOUR CANCER IN POLYNOMIAL TIME?!"
Panel 6:
Woman: "DON'T TELL ME THIS STUFF IS UNPOPULAR BECAUSE IT'S COMPLICATED! STEPHEN HAWKING SOLD A MILLION BOOKS ON BLACK HOLES AND SPACETIME AND NOBODY HAS READ A SINGLE PAGE OF THEM!"
Panel 7:
Woman (arm raised): "WE DEMAND EQUAL REPRESENTATION IN THE HALLS OF QUACKERY!"
Panel 8:
Woman: "WE WILL NOT REST UNTIL ERROR CORRECTION ALGORITHMS ARE SAID TO DETOXIFY YOUR CHAKRA! WE WILL NOT TIRE UNTIL THERE'S A URINE-CLEANSING TEA CALLED *PTIME* AND A HOMEOPATHIC URINE-RECEPTACLE CALLED *PSPACE*!"
Panel 9:
Woman: "WE WILL NOT STOP UNTIL THERE IS A MAGIC CRYSTAL YOU PUT UP YOUR BUTT TO MAKE YOUR MICROBIOME TURING-COMPLETE!"
Panel 10: The woman crouches at the edge of the stage facing a small audience of four people seen from behind.
Woman: "WE COULD JOIN THE PHYSICISTS AND SELL 'QUANTUM ERROR CORRECTION' TABLETS."
Woman (shouting): "CHOOSE A SIDE!"
Votey:
Caption inside a hand-drawn box:
"(I AVOIDED A LOG JOKE, AND YOU'RE WELCOME)"
Voice (from offstage / overhead): "THE PHYSICISTS HAVE HAD IT TOO GOOD FOR TOO LONG!"
Caption: AT THE ANNUAL N-TUPLE OF ANGRY LOGICIANS...
Panel 2: A woman in a red blazer speaks animatedly on a stage with red curtains.
Woman: "WHY IS IT THAT WHEN HUXTERS SELL SNAKE OIL, IT'S *QUANTUM* THIS AND *UNCERTAINTY* THAT? COMPUTER SCIENCE FURNISHES JUST AS MANY OPPORTUNITIES TO LIE TO THE CONSUMER!"
Panel 3:
Woman: "WHY AREN'T THERE MEDITATION SESSIONS WHERE A GUY IN ROBES TELLS YOU THE CONSCIOUS MIND IS NP-COMPLETE, BUT IF YOU BREATHE PROPERLY THEN P=NP?!"
Panel 4:
Woman: "GODEL! GODEL SAYS THERE ARE ALWAYS TRUTHS THAT CAN'T BE PROVED WITHIN A LOGICAL SYSTEM! WHY IS THIS NOT USED TO SELL VITAMIN WATER OR SOME FANCY KIND OF ENEMA?!"
Panel 5:
Woman: "OUR FINDINGS ARE JUST AS EASILY MISCONSTRUED AS THEIRS! WHERE IS THE 'BQP SPORTS DRINK'? WHERE IS THE CHIROPRACTOR PROMISING TO CURE YOUR CANCER IN POLYNOMIAL TIME?!"
Panel 6:
Woman: "DON'T TELL ME THIS STUFF IS UNPOPULAR BECAUSE IT'S COMPLICATED! STEPHEN HAWKING SOLD A MILLION BOOKS ON BLACK HOLES AND SPACETIME AND NOBODY HAS READ A SINGLE PAGE OF THEM!"
Panel 7:
Woman (arm raised): "WE DEMAND EQUAL REPRESENTATION IN THE HALLS OF QUACKERY!"
Panel 8:
Woman: "WE WILL NOT REST UNTIL ERROR CORRECTION ALGORITHMS ARE SAID TO DETOXIFY YOUR CHAKRA! WE WILL NOT TIRE UNTIL THERE'S A URINE-CLEANSING TEA CALLED *PTIME* AND A HOMEOPATHIC URINE-RECEPTACLE CALLED *PSPACE*!"
Panel 9:
Woman: "WE WILL NOT STOP UNTIL THERE IS A MAGIC CRYSTAL YOU PUT UP YOUR BUTT TO MAKE YOUR MICROBIOME TURING-COMPLETE!"
Panel 10: The woman crouches at the edge of the stage facing a small audience of four people seen from behind.
Woman: "WE COULD JOIN THE PHYSICISTS AND SELL 'QUANTUM ERROR CORRECTION' TABLETS."
Woman (shouting): "CHOOSE A SIDE!"
Votey:
Caption inside a hand-drawn box:
"(I AVOIDED A LOG JOKE, AND YOU'RE WELCOME)"
Alt text
A ten-panel SMBC comic. It opens with a glowing lightbulb on a hilltop podium under a stormy red lightning sky, and a caption: "At the annual N-tuple of angry logicians." A woman in a red blazer delivers an impassioned stage rant arguing that computer scientists deserve as much pseudoscience-marketing glory as physicists. She complains that quantum physics and 'uncertainty' get used to sell snake oil while computer science is ignored, and demands things like meditation gurus saying the conscious mind is NP-complete but breathing makes P=NP, a 'BQP sports drink,' a chiropractor curing cancer in polynomial time, a urine-cleansing tea called PTIME, a homeopathic receptacle called PSPACE, and a magic butt crystal to make your microbiome Turing-complete. She cites that Stephen Hawking sold a million unread physics books, and proclaims, "We demand equal representation in the halls of quackery!" In the final panel she crouches at the stage edge facing a small audience, suggesting they could just join the physicists and sell 'quantum error correction' tablets, then shouts, "Choose a side!" The votey (aftercomic) is a small hand-drawn box reading: "(I avoided a log joke, and you're welcome)" — a pun acknowledging the missed logician/logarithm wordplay.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.