sue
Original: sue on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Son: PAPA! WHY DID YOU NAME ME SUE?!
Panel 2:
Father: I GAVE YOU THAT NAME TO MAKE LIFE HARD. SO YOU'D GROW UP TO BE STRONG AND WISE. I SEE I HAVE SUCCEEDED.
Panel 3:
(No dialogue. The son holds a hand of playing cards.)
Panel 4:
(No dialogue. Another man, sweating, holds a hand of playing cards.)
Panel 5:
Son: SO...IT WAS TO HELP ME.
Father: YES. IT ALSO WORKED FOR... YOUR BROTHER.
Panel 6:
Father: TINKERBELL VON SPHINCTER-NUGGETS.
Panel 7:
(No dialogue. The son looks at another man, the father's speech bubble tail trailing in from off-panel.)
Panel 8:
(A muscular man reveals his bare chest and holds up a pink book titled "Quantum Mechanics for the Smart". A large round belt buckle is at his waist.)
Votey:
Father (off-panel speech bubble): OF THE VERMONT VON SPHINCTERS.
(The father stands in a wide-brimmed hat, scratching/stroking his stubbled chin, looking down thoughtfully.)
Son: PAPA! WHY DID YOU NAME ME SUE?!
Panel 2:
Father: I GAVE YOU THAT NAME TO MAKE LIFE HARD. SO YOU'D GROW UP TO BE STRONG AND WISE. I SEE I HAVE SUCCEEDED.
Panel 3:
(No dialogue. The son holds a hand of playing cards.)
Panel 4:
(No dialogue. Another man, sweating, holds a hand of playing cards.)
Panel 5:
Son: SO...IT WAS TO HELP ME.
Father: YES. IT ALSO WORKED FOR... YOUR BROTHER.
Panel 6:
Father: TINKERBELL VON SPHINCTER-NUGGETS.
Panel 7:
(No dialogue. The son looks at another man, the father's speech bubble tail trailing in from off-panel.)
Panel 8:
(A muscular man reveals his bare chest and holds up a pink book titled "Quantum Mechanics for the Smart". A large round belt buckle is at his waist.)
Votey:
Father (off-panel speech bubble): OF THE VERMONT VON SPHINCTERS.
(The father stands in a wide-brimmed hat, scratching/stroking his stubbled chin, looking down thoughtfully.)
Alt text
An eight-panel black-and-white-and-color comic in a Western/cowboy setting. Panel 1: A young man cries out to his father, "Papa! Why did you name me Sue?!" Panel 2: The grizzled, hat-wearing father replies, "I gave you that name to make life hard. So you'd grow up to be strong and wise. I see I have succeeded." Panels 3 and 4: The son calmly holds a hand of cards while a sweating opponent across the poker table nervously holds his own cards, implying the tough name made the son a hardened, intimidating gambler. Panel 5: The son says, "So...it was to help me," and the father answers, "Yes. It also worked for... your brother." Panel 6: The father continues, "Tinkerbell von Sphincter-Nuggets." Panel 7: The son looks over at his brother. Panel 8: The brother turns out to be a hugely muscular man who pulls open his shirt to bare his chiseled chest while triumphantly holding up a pink book titled "Quantum Mechanics for the Smart" — the absurdly humiliating name drove him to become both a buff and brilliant academic. Votey (bonus panel): The father, stroking his stubbly chin in his wide-brimmed hat, finishes the name with an off-panel speech bubble: "Of the Vermont von Sphincters."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.