conation
Original: conation on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Excited inventor (a man with dark skin, raising his arms in triumph): I'VE DONE IT! MINDS! MINDS EVERYWHERE!
(A man with light skin in glasses and a lab coat looks on, unimpressed.)
Panel 2:
Inventor: LOOK, THE SUBSTRATE-INDEPENDENT! IF YOU HAVE THE RIGHT SETUP, ANYTHING CAN CALCULATE, CAN THINK, CAN EXPERIENCE ANY FEELING THAT A HUMAN BRAIN CAN INSTANTIATE!
(The skeptical man in glasses holds up a flat object.)
Panel 3:
Inventor: THIS DEVICE ANALYZES ANY OBJECT AND ENDOWS IT WITH CONATION! WATCH! IF I CONNECT IT TO THIS CARROT, THE CARROT CAN SENSE, CAN REACT, CAN COMPUTE!
Panel 4:
Skeptical man: OKAY BUT WHY?
Inventor (laughing maniacally): NOTHING IS VEGAN NOW! AHAHAHAHA HAHA!
Votey:
Handwritten caption: THIS IS WHY I FAVOR GOVERNMENT FUNDING OF GENERALIZED OR GENERIC AMBIENT COMPUTING.
Excited inventor (a man with dark skin, raising his arms in triumph): I'VE DONE IT! MINDS! MINDS EVERYWHERE!
(A man with light skin in glasses and a lab coat looks on, unimpressed.)
Panel 2:
Inventor: LOOK, THE SUBSTRATE-INDEPENDENT! IF YOU HAVE THE RIGHT SETUP, ANYTHING CAN CALCULATE, CAN THINK, CAN EXPERIENCE ANY FEELING THAT A HUMAN BRAIN CAN INSTANTIATE!
(The skeptical man in glasses holds up a flat object.)
Panel 3:
Inventor: THIS DEVICE ANALYZES ANY OBJECT AND ENDOWS IT WITH CONATION! WATCH! IF I CONNECT IT TO THIS CARROT, THE CARROT CAN SENSE, CAN REACT, CAN COMPUTE!
Panel 4:
Skeptical man: OKAY BUT WHY?
Inventor (laughing maniacally): NOTHING IS VEGAN NOW! AHAHAHAHA HAHA!
Votey:
Handwritten caption: THIS IS WHY I FAVOR GOVERNMENT FUNDING OF GENERALIZED OR GENERIC AMBIENT COMPUTING.
Alt text
A four-panel SMBC comic. An excited inventor (a man with dark skin) announces a breakthrough to a skeptical colleague (a man in glasses and a lab coat). Panel 1: arms raised, the inventor shouts 'I've done it! Minds! Minds everywhere!' Panel 2: he explains that computation is substrate-independent: 'If you have the right setup, anything can calculate, can think, can experience any feeling that a human brain can instantiate!' Panel 3: he holds up a device, saying it 'analyzes any object and endows it with conation,' and that connecting it to a carrot will let the carrot 'sense, react, compute.' Panel 4: the colleague flatly asks 'Okay but why?' and the inventor, eyes wild and grinning, cackles 'Nothing is vegan now! Ahahahaha haha!' Votey (aftercomic): handwritten text on a blank panel reads, 'This is why I favor government funding of generalized or generic ambient computing.' The joke: if any object can be made to have a mind, then eating anything (even a carrot) harms a sentient being, so veganism is impossible.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.