the-arrow-of-time
Original: the-arrow-of-time on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Woman: Dear God, why does the arrow of time point in only one direction?
God (offscreen voice in speech bubble): It's the only way that works. I'll prove it.
Panel 2:
God: Remember that time you were in the break room getting coffee and Dave came in?
Woman: Dave...
Panel 3 (caption): Dave, the attractive guy from the accounting department, comes in looking forlorn. You ask why, then take a sip of coffee.
(Scene: Dave stands looking glum; the woman sips from a mug.)
Panel 4:
Woman: Oh my god.
Panel 5 (caption): He blurts out that he'd like to go on a date with you.
Dave: Would you like to get a drink Saturday?
Panel 6:
Woman: No. No please.
Panel 7:
(Dave's face, neutral; the woman looking distressed.)
Panel 8 (caption): You're so surprised you gag and cough and hot coffee splurts out of your nostrils like twin geysers, drenching all onlookers in red hot mucus.
(Scene: the woman erupts coffee from her nose, spraying bystanders.)
Panel 9:
Woman: Stop it! Shutup God!
Panel 10 (caption): Dave flees for the exit like a frightened deer as you shamble after him, wiping your leaking face on your blouse like a mythical sea-hag melting in the light of day.
Panel 11:
(The woman depicted as a hunched, hairy, monstrous figure shambling forward.)
Woman (monstrous): Drink! Still want drink Saturday!?
Panel 12 (caption): Now, imagine a universe in which it is possible for time to, at any moment, slow down, halt, then reverse direction hurtling you headlong toward that cataract of shame.
Panel 13:
God: That would be hell.
Woman: Wow! Lucky guess!
Votey:
(Thought bubble above a man's head.)
Man (thinking): How did she know my exact fetish?
Woman: Dear God, why does the arrow of time point in only one direction?
God (offscreen voice in speech bubble): It's the only way that works. I'll prove it.
Panel 2:
God: Remember that time you were in the break room getting coffee and Dave came in?
Woman: Dave...
Panel 3 (caption): Dave, the attractive guy from the accounting department, comes in looking forlorn. You ask why, then take a sip of coffee.
(Scene: Dave stands looking glum; the woman sips from a mug.)
Panel 4:
Woman: Oh my god.
Panel 5 (caption): He blurts out that he'd like to go on a date with you.
Dave: Would you like to get a drink Saturday?
Panel 6:
Woman: No. No please.
Panel 7:
(Dave's face, neutral; the woman looking distressed.)
Panel 8 (caption): You're so surprised you gag and cough and hot coffee splurts out of your nostrils like twin geysers, drenching all onlookers in red hot mucus.
(Scene: the woman erupts coffee from her nose, spraying bystanders.)
Panel 9:
Woman: Stop it! Shutup God!
Panel 10 (caption): Dave flees for the exit like a frightened deer as you shamble after him, wiping your leaking face on your blouse like a mythical sea-hag melting in the light of day.
Panel 11:
(The woman depicted as a hunched, hairy, monstrous figure shambling forward.)
Woman (monstrous): Drink! Still want drink Saturday!?
Panel 12 (caption): Now, imagine a universe in which it is possible for time to, at any moment, slow down, halt, then reverse direction hurtling you headlong toward that cataract of shame.
Panel 13:
God: That would be hell.
Woman: Wow! Lucky guess!
Votey:
(Thought bubble above a man's head.)
Man (thinking): How did she know my exact fetish?
Alt text
A 13-panel SMBC comic. A woman asks God why time's arrow points only one direction; God replies it's the only way that works and offers to prove it. God recounts a memory: in a break room, attractive coworker Dave comes in looking forlorn and asks her out for a drink Saturday. She's so shocked she gags and hot coffee sprays from her nostrils like geysers, drenching onlookers in 'red hot mucus.' She shouts 'Stop it! Shutup God!' Dave flees as she shambles after him, drawn as a hairy, monstrous sea-hag, croaking 'Drink! Still want drink Saturday!?' God concludes: now imagine a universe where time could reverse and hurl you back into that 'cataract of shame' at any moment, then says 'That would be hell.' The woman replies 'Wow! Lucky guess!'—implying her real life already is that hell. Votey: a man, drawn in simple black-and-white, thinks 'How did she know my exact fetish?'—reframing the humiliating time-reversal scenario as someone's kink.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.