commanded

A single-panel comic shows a bearded, robed prophet figure with long hair standing and gesturing as if preaching. A banner of his words floats above him, mixing benevolent and brutal commandments: don't idolize yourself, don't hurt people, blot out the meaning of all Amalekites, don't break promises, don't punish without trial, set aside food for the poor, and destroy all Canaanites and enslave them forever. The caption reads: "Reading The Bible is a great way to convince yourself that there is a minimum of two deities" -- the joke being that the contradictory commands sound like they came from two different gods. The votey (bonus panel) is hand-lettered text that adds another commandment: "And no wool-linen combo fabrics, because you'll look like assholes."