social
Original: social on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
A woman with dark hair (administrator): "LOOK, PANDEMIC BE DAMNED, IF WE DON'T BRING BACK OUR STUDENTS, THERE WON'T BE A UNIVERSITY."
(Three university administrators sit at a table: a woman with dark hair, a gray-haired man, and a man.)
Panel 2:
Gray-haired man: "SO, WE JUST BRING THEM BACK AND ACCEPT THE CONSEQUENCES?"
The dark-haired woman: "NO. WE DO SOCIAL NETWORK ANALYSIS TO PICK THE RIGHT PEOPLE."
Panel 3:
(A diagram of red dots and lines forming clustered network shapes.)
Narration: "HUMAN SOCIAL NETWORKS AREN'T SIMPLE WEBS. THEY'RE CLUSTERS OF INDIVIDUALS, CONNECTED BY SOCIAL BUTTERFLIES."
Panel 4:
(A diagram showing a red cluster of dots with arrows pointing inward/away.)
Narration: "ALONG THE OUTER RIM OF EACH CLUSTER ARE PEOPLE SO SOCIALLY AWKWARD THEY ONLY MAINTAIN HUMAN CONNECTION IN ORDER TO ACCESS LOCKED FACILITIES WHERE THEY SIT IN SILENCE FOR DAYS AT A TIME."
Panel 5:
The dark-haired woman: "OH, SO SOMEHOW WE JUST MAGICALLY LOCATE EXACTLY THIS GROUP AND BRING ONLY THEM BACK?"
The gray-haired man: "PRECISELY."
Panel 6:
Narration: "AND SO..."
A person with curly hair wearing a T-shirt (with a small smiley/face design): "OH NICE! THE CS DEPARTMENT OPENED BACK UP."
(They walk toward a doorway.)
Votey:
A person with curly hair and glasses thinks, in a thought bubble: "EHHHHH, RETURNING WOULD BE AWKWARD."
A woman with dark hair (administrator): "LOOK, PANDEMIC BE DAMNED, IF WE DON'T BRING BACK OUR STUDENTS, THERE WON'T BE A UNIVERSITY."
(Three university administrators sit at a table: a woman with dark hair, a gray-haired man, and a man.)
Panel 2:
Gray-haired man: "SO, WE JUST BRING THEM BACK AND ACCEPT THE CONSEQUENCES?"
The dark-haired woman: "NO. WE DO SOCIAL NETWORK ANALYSIS TO PICK THE RIGHT PEOPLE."
Panel 3:
(A diagram of red dots and lines forming clustered network shapes.)
Narration: "HUMAN SOCIAL NETWORKS AREN'T SIMPLE WEBS. THEY'RE CLUSTERS OF INDIVIDUALS, CONNECTED BY SOCIAL BUTTERFLIES."
Panel 4:
(A diagram showing a red cluster of dots with arrows pointing inward/away.)
Narration: "ALONG THE OUTER RIM OF EACH CLUSTER ARE PEOPLE SO SOCIALLY AWKWARD THEY ONLY MAINTAIN HUMAN CONNECTION IN ORDER TO ACCESS LOCKED FACILITIES WHERE THEY SIT IN SILENCE FOR DAYS AT A TIME."
Panel 5:
The dark-haired woman: "OH, SO SOMEHOW WE JUST MAGICALLY LOCATE EXACTLY THIS GROUP AND BRING ONLY THEM BACK?"
The gray-haired man: "PRECISELY."
Panel 6:
Narration: "AND SO..."
A person with curly hair wearing a T-shirt (with a small smiley/face design): "OH NICE! THE CS DEPARTMENT OPENED BACK UP."
(They walk toward a doorway.)
Votey:
A person with curly hair and glasses thinks, in a thought bubble: "EHHHHH, RETURNING WOULD BE AWKWARD."
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic. In the first two panels, three university administrators (a dark-haired woman, a gray-haired man, and another man) sit at a table debating reopening during the pandemic. The woman argues that without bringing students back, there won't be a university; when asked whether they'll just accept the consequences, she says no — they'll do social network analysis to pick the RIGHT people. The next two panels show red network diagrams of dot-clusters, with narration explaining that human social networks are clusters connected by 'social butterflies,' and that along the outer rim of each cluster are people so socially awkward they only maintain human connection in order to access locked facilities where they sit in silence for days at a time. The woman skeptically asks if they'll magically locate exactly this group and bring only them back; the man replies 'Precisely.' The final panel reads 'And so...' as a cheerful curly-haired student in a T-shirt walks toward a building, saying 'Oh nice! The CS department opened back up.' The joke: reopening a university safely by inviting back only the antisocial computer-science students who will isolate themselves anyway. Votey (aftercomic): the same curly-haired student, now drawn with glasses, has a worried thought bubble reading 'Ehhhhh, returning would be awkward.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.