apology
Original: apology on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man at podium: I would like to apologize IF - by god IF - you were offended by my statement yesterday.
Panel 2:
Man (now pointing): I also wish to insinuate that the real problem is not my ignorance but your reaction, and that we should focus on some vaguely-defined broader principle about something or other.
Panel 3:
Man: I hope we can get to a place where I change nothing but you start paying attention to someone else's gaffe.
Panel 4:
Man: Any questions?
Off-panel questioner (red-haired woman in audience): When you say "I would like to apologize" are you apologizing or saying you would like to apologize?
Panel 5:
Man (throwing down a smoke device and fleeing): SMOKE BOMB!
Panel 6:
The scene is filled with thick smoke. The man, the questioner, and other audience members are left coughing in the haze.
Caption: THIS BONUS COMIC BROUGHT TO YOU BY EARLY BUYERS OF MY NEW COMIC ON IMMIGRATION POLICY. CLICK FOR MORE INFO!
Votey:
Text (one speech bubble): Gotta hand it to him. It was a damn fine speech.
(Below, two vague hill-like shapes / blobby figures sit in a barren landscape, presumably the smoke-obscured audience members admiring the non-apology.)
Man at podium: I would like to apologize IF - by god IF - you were offended by my statement yesterday.
Panel 2:
Man (now pointing): I also wish to insinuate that the real problem is not my ignorance but your reaction, and that we should focus on some vaguely-defined broader principle about something or other.
Panel 3:
Man: I hope we can get to a place where I change nothing but you start paying attention to someone else's gaffe.
Panel 4:
Man: Any questions?
Off-panel questioner (red-haired woman in audience): When you say "I would like to apologize" are you apologizing or saying you would like to apologize?
Panel 5:
Man (throwing down a smoke device and fleeing): SMOKE BOMB!
Panel 6:
The scene is filled with thick smoke. The man, the questioner, and other audience members are left coughing in the haze.
Caption: THIS BONUS COMIC BROUGHT TO YOU BY EARLY BUYERS OF MY NEW COMIC ON IMMIGRATION POLICY. CLICK FOR MORE INFO!
Votey:
Text (one speech bubble): Gotta hand it to him. It was a damn fine speech.
(Below, two vague hill-like shapes / blobby figures sit in a barren landscape, presumably the smoke-obscured audience members admiring the non-apology.)
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic mocking the non-apology. A man stands at a podium and says, "I would like to apologize IF - by god IF - you were offended by my statement yesterday." Pointing, he continues: "I also wish to insinuate that the real problem is not my ignorance but your reaction, and that we should focus on some vaguely-defined broader principle about something or other. I hope we can get to a place where I change nothing but you start paying attention to someone else's gaffe." He asks, "Any questions?" A red-haired audience member asks, "When you say 'I would like to apologize' are you apologizing or saying you would like to apologize?" The man hurls a smoke device, shouting "SMOKE BOMB!" and the final panel shows the room engulfed in thick smoke with everyone left coughing. Votey: two blobby figures sit in a barren landscape; one says, "Gotta hand it to him. It was a damn fine speech."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.