heroism
Original: heroism on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A woman with dark hair speaks to a bearded man (a Viking/warrior type with a sword and shield).
Woman: OUR STANDARD METRICS FOR EVALUATING HEROISM ARE FLAWED.
Panel 2: The woman continues.
Woman: LOOK, IF YOU'RE BORN WITH A GENETIC PREDISPOSITION FOR STRENGTH AND HEIGHT, AND YOU'RE RICH ENOUGH TO EAT WELL DURING YOUR WHOLE CHILDHOOD, AND YOUR PARENTS CAN PAY FOR TRAINING IN SWORDSMANSHIP AND HORSE-RIDING, THEN HONESTLY HOW HARD IS IT TO FIGHT VILLAINS?
Panel 3: The bearded warrior holds up his sword, looking distressed, a tear at his eye.
Panel 4: The woman gestures.
Woman: IT'D BE BETTER TO COME UP WITH AN "EXPECTED HEROISM" SCORE AND THEN SEE WHO OUTPERFORMS BY THE LARGEST MARGIN.
Panel 5: The bearded warrior shouts.
Warrior: NO! NO! YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LET STATISTICAL ANALYSIS RUIN THE SAGAS!
Panel 6: The warrior shoves the woman off a cliff into the water below.
Panel 7: The woman clings to the edge / is in the water as the warrior leans over.
Caption bar: LATER...
Final panel: An open saga scroll/book with handwritten text.
Text: And so Egbert slew a fairly large bee, though he was weak of knees and fat of ass.
Votey:
A scroll continues in handwritten text: Truly did he have a high slayings-above-replacement.
Woman: OUR STANDARD METRICS FOR EVALUATING HEROISM ARE FLAWED.
Panel 2: The woman continues.
Woman: LOOK, IF YOU'RE BORN WITH A GENETIC PREDISPOSITION FOR STRENGTH AND HEIGHT, AND YOU'RE RICH ENOUGH TO EAT WELL DURING YOUR WHOLE CHILDHOOD, AND YOUR PARENTS CAN PAY FOR TRAINING IN SWORDSMANSHIP AND HORSE-RIDING, THEN HONESTLY HOW HARD IS IT TO FIGHT VILLAINS?
Panel 3: The bearded warrior holds up his sword, looking distressed, a tear at his eye.
Panel 4: The woman gestures.
Woman: IT'D BE BETTER TO COME UP WITH AN "EXPECTED HEROISM" SCORE AND THEN SEE WHO OUTPERFORMS BY THE LARGEST MARGIN.
Panel 5: The bearded warrior shouts.
Warrior: NO! NO! YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LET STATISTICAL ANALYSIS RUIN THE SAGAS!
Panel 6: The warrior shoves the woman off a cliff into the water below.
Panel 7: The woman clings to the edge / is in the water as the warrior leans over.
Caption bar: LATER...
Final panel: An open saga scroll/book with handwritten text.
Text: And so Egbert slew a fairly large bee, though he was weak of knees and fat of ass.
Votey:
A scroll continues in handwritten text: Truly did he have a high slayings-above-replacement.
Alt text
A seven-panel SMBC comic. A dark-haired woman lectures a bearded Viking warrior: "Our standard metrics for evaluating heroism are flawed. If you're born with a genetic predisposition for strength and height, are rich enough to eat well your whole childhood, and your parents pay for swordsmanship and horse-riding training, then how hard is it to fight villains?" She proposes an "expected heroism" score to see who outperforms by the largest margin. The warrior, holding up his sword with a tear in his eye, shouts "No! No! You are not going to let statistical analysis ruin the sagas!" and shoves her off a cliff into the water. A "LATER..." caption leads to a saga scroll reading: "And so Egbert slew a fairly large bee, though he was weak of knees and fat of ass." Votey panel: the saga continues, "Truly did he have a high slayings-above-replacement" — a baseball-statistics pun (wins-above-replacement) describing the unimpressive hero.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.