primary-caregivers
Original: primary-caregivers on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Child (in glasses): MOM, YOUR POLLING IS TERRIBLE.
Mom: WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I'M VERY POPULAR IN THIS HOUSE.
Panel 2:
Mom: YOU'RE POPULAR AS A PARENT. BUT WE'RE IN PRIMARY SEASON. YOU HAVE TO APPEAL TO YOUR MOM-LOVING BASE BY DOING STEREOTYPICAL MOM ACTIVITIES.
Panel 3:
Child (reading from a tablet/phone): DURING THE RACE FOR BEST PARENT, WE CAN TALK ABOUT YOUR CAREER ACHIEVEMENTS OR WHATEVER, BUT IF YOU WANT TO GET A SHOT AT FIRST PLACE, YOU NEED TO START BAKING COOKIES AND SIGNALLING UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
Panel 4:
Child: DAD IS OUT THERE WORKING THE CROWDS HARD BY WRASSLING AND COOKING BEEF PRODUCTS. (Dad is shown outside grilling.)
Panel 5:
Child: BUT YOU BETTER BELIEVE THAT DURING THE "BEST PARENT" SELECTION PERIOD, HE LURCHES TOWARD THE CENTER WITH A GINGERBREAD HOUSE AND A DISNEY MOVIE SING-A-LONG.
Panel 6:
Mom: THIS WHOLE PROCESS IS SO DEMEANING.
Child: DO YOU WANNA BE A WINNER? HUH? WINNERS DO WHAT IT TAKES.
Panel 7:
Mom: IS THIS AN ELABORATE RUSE TO GET ME TO MAKE COOKIES?
Child: PONY COOKIES WITH SPARKLES, YES.
Votey:
A man with a pained, grimacing expression. Speech bubble: GOD I HATE BARBECUE.
Child (in glasses): MOM, YOUR POLLING IS TERRIBLE.
Mom: WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I'M VERY POPULAR IN THIS HOUSE.
Panel 2:
Mom: YOU'RE POPULAR AS A PARENT. BUT WE'RE IN PRIMARY SEASON. YOU HAVE TO APPEAL TO YOUR MOM-LOVING BASE BY DOING STEREOTYPICAL MOM ACTIVITIES.
Panel 3:
Child (reading from a tablet/phone): DURING THE RACE FOR BEST PARENT, WE CAN TALK ABOUT YOUR CAREER ACHIEVEMENTS OR WHATEVER, BUT IF YOU WANT TO GET A SHOT AT FIRST PLACE, YOU NEED TO START BAKING COOKIES AND SIGNALLING UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
Panel 4:
Child: DAD IS OUT THERE WORKING THE CROWDS HARD BY WRASSLING AND COOKING BEEF PRODUCTS. (Dad is shown outside grilling.)
Panel 5:
Child: BUT YOU BETTER BELIEVE THAT DURING THE "BEST PARENT" SELECTION PERIOD, HE LURCHES TOWARD THE CENTER WITH A GINGERBREAD HOUSE AND A DISNEY MOVIE SING-A-LONG.
Panel 6:
Mom: THIS WHOLE PROCESS IS SO DEMEANING.
Child: DO YOU WANNA BE A WINNER? HUH? WINNERS DO WHAT IT TAKES.
Panel 7:
Mom: IS THIS AN ELABORATE RUSE TO GET ME TO MAKE COOKIES?
Child: PONY COOKIES WITH SPARKLES, YES.
Votey:
A man with a pained, grimacing expression. Speech bubble: GOD I HATE BARBECUE.
Alt text
A seven-panel SMBC comic. A small child in glasses acts as a campaign strategist, framing parenthood as a political election. Panel 1: the child tells Mom her "polling is terrible"; Mom replies she's "very popular in this house." Panel 2: the child explains she's popular as a parent but it's "primary season" and she must appeal to her "mom-loving base" with stereotypical mom activities. Panel 3: reading from a device, the child says that to win the race for best parent she should set aside career achievements and instead bake cookies and signal unconditional love. Panel 4: Dad is shown outside grilling, "working the crowds hard by wrassling and cooking beef products." Panel 5: the child says that during the "best parent" selection period Dad lurches to the center with a gingerbread house and a Disney sing-a-long. Panel 6: Mom complains the whole process is demeaning; the child snaps that "winners do what it takes." Panel 7: Mom asks if this is an elaborate ruse to get her to make cookies, and the child confirms: "Pony cookies with sparkles, yes." Votey: a close-up of a man with a sour, grimacing face saying "GOD I HATE BARBECUE."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.