eve
Original: eve on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
God (golden, off-panel voice): AND YOU, EVE, YOU AND ALL WOMEN EVER AFTER WILL HAVE PAIN IN CHILDBIRTH!
(Below, Adam and Eve stand together looking up at a glowing golden orb.)
Panel 2:
Eve: CHILDBIRTH? THE THING WHERE YOU SQUEEZE AN INFANT THROUGH YOUR VAGINA? THAT WAS GONNA JUST BE A BREEZE BEFORE YOU CURSED US?
(Adam and Eve stand in front of the golden orb amid greenery.)
Panel 3:
God (golden, off-panel): WELL-
Eve: HEY, WHY NOT "CURSE" ALL WOMEN SO THAT SETTING THEIR HAIR ON FIRE HURTS?
Panel 4:
God (golden, off-panel): YEAH, BUT-
Eve: HERE'S ANOTHER ONE - "EVER AFTER, YOU SHALL HAVE PAIN IN GETTING A FORK IN THE EYE."
Panel 5:
God (golden, off-panel): LOOK, WHATEVER. I'M ALSO CURSING THE MAN SO THAT HE WILL FIND GOING TO WORK EVERY DAY SUCKS!
Eve: GOD, YOU'RE BAD AT THIS.
(Adam and Eve shown in silhouette against the dark landscape.)
Votey:
(A speech bubble emanating from the golden orb.)
God: Also no pork
Eve (large hand-lettered shout below): NOOOO!
God (golden, off-panel voice): AND YOU, EVE, YOU AND ALL WOMEN EVER AFTER WILL HAVE PAIN IN CHILDBIRTH!
(Below, Adam and Eve stand together looking up at a glowing golden orb.)
Panel 2:
Eve: CHILDBIRTH? THE THING WHERE YOU SQUEEZE AN INFANT THROUGH YOUR VAGINA? THAT WAS GONNA JUST BE A BREEZE BEFORE YOU CURSED US?
(Adam and Eve stand in front of the golden orb amid greenery.)
Panel 3:
God (golden, off-panel): WELL-
Eve: HEY, WHY NOT "CURSE" ALL WOMEN SO THAT SETTING THEIR HAIR ON FIRE HURTS?
Panel 4:
God (golden, off-panel): YEAH, BUT-
Eve: HERE'S ANOTHER ONE - "EVER AFTER, YOU SHALL HAVE PAIN IN GETTING A FORK IN THE EYE."
Panel 5:
God (golden, off-panel): LOOK, WHATEVER. I'M ALSO CURSING THE MAN SO THAT HE WILL FIND GOING TO WORK EVERY DAY SUCKS!
Eve: GOD, YOU'RE BAD AT THIS.
(Adam and Eve shown in silhouette against the dark landscape.)
Votey:
(A speech bubble emanating from the golden orb.)
God: Also no pork
Eve (large hand-lettered shout below): NOOOO!
Alt text
A five-panel SMBC comic. The voice of God speaks from a glowing golden orb above a naked Adam and Eve standing in a green garden. God booms, 'And you, Eve, you and all women ever after will have pain in childbirth!' Eve fires back, 'Childbirth? The thing where you squeeze an infant through your vagina? That was gonna just be a breeze before you cursed us?' She keeps mocking: 'Why not curse all women so that setting their hair on fire hurts?' and 'Here's another one - ever after, you shall have pain in getting a fork in the eye.' God, exasperated, says, 'Look, whatever. I'm also cursing the man so that he will find going to work every day sucks!' Eve, now in silhouette, replies flatly, 'God, you're bad at this.' The joke: many of God's 'curses' are just naming things that already hurt, so Eve calls him incompetent. Votey (aftercomic): The golden orb adds one more curse in a speech bubble - 'Also no pork' - and a huge hand-lettered 'NOOOO!' screams up from below.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.