the-real-villain
Original: the-real-villain on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A group of cartoon characters resembling a mystery-solving gang (a blond man in a white sweater, an orange-haired woman, a short-haired woman, and a lanky man) stand together.
Blond man: "And the real villain is..."
Panel 2: An older man with gray hair and mustache, tied up with rope, faces the gang.
Blond man: "Old Man Richards!"
Old man: "But why?!"
Panel 3:
Old man: "I was trying to lower the property value!"
Blond man: "So you could buy it cheap?!"
Panel 4:
Old man: "No, so poor people could afford to keep their homes here."
Panel 5:
Old man: "The neighborhood is getting gentrified, but none of the local tenants own any property. So, they're being forced out by cost. I thought, if it was haunted, affluent people would stay away."
Panel 6:
Old man: "But it turns out the modern rich are into weird mystical stuff, so they were willing to pay extra for ghosts!"
Panel 7:
Old man: "Property prices are through the roof! The old folks can't live here anymore! It's all gone! All the love! All the memories!"
Panel 8: The blond man, angry, grabs at the old man while the rest of the gang looks on.
Blond man: "Put the handcuffs on! He's no monster but MEEEEEEE!"
Old man: "There is no monster but MEEEEEEE!"
Votey:
A large close-up of a face (resembling the short-haired gang member) with wide, frazzled eyes and tears welling up.
Speech bubble: "Jinkies!"
Blond man: "And the real villain is..."
Panel 2: An older man with gray hair and mustache, tied up with rope, faces the gang.
Blond man: "Old Man Richards!"
Old man: "But why?!"
Panel 3:
Old man: "I was trying to lower the property value!"
Blond man: "So you could buy it cheap?!"
Panel 4:
Old man: "No, so poor people could afford to keep their homes here."
Panel 5:
Old man: "The neighborhood is getting gentrified, but none of the local tenants own any property. So, they're being forced out by cost. I thought, if it was haunted, affluent people would stay away."
Panel 6:
Old man: "But it turns out the modern rich are into weird mystical stuff, so they were willing to pay extra for ghosts!"
Panel 7:
Old man: "Property prices are through the roof! The old folks can't live here anymore! It's all gone! All the love! All the memories!"
Panel 8: The blond man, angry, grabs at the old man while the rest of the gang looks on.
Blond man: "Put the handcuffs on! He's no monster but MEEEEEEE!"
Old man: "There is no monster but MEEEEEEE!"
Votey:
A large close-up of a face (resembling the short-haired gang member) with wide, frazzled eyes and tears welling up.
Speech bubble: "Jinkies!"
Alt text
A SMBC comic parodying Scooby-Doo's Mystery Inc. gang at the unmasking scene. A blond man in a white sweater announces the real villain is "Old Man Richards," a gray-haired mustached man tied in rope. When asked why, the old man explains he was haunting the neighborhood to lower property values so poor local tenants, who own no property, wouldn't be priced out by gentrification. But it backfired: the modern rich love mystical stuff and paid extra for ghosts, sending prices through the roof and driving the old folks out anyway. He laments "It's all gone! All the love! All the memories!" In the final panel the blond man furiously grabs him, both shouting "There is no monster but MEEEEEEE!" Votey: a close-up of a frazzled gang member's face with wide eyes and welling tears, saying "Jinkies!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.