martians
Original: martians on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
A bald, bearded official (the Mars greeter): "Welcome to Mars!"
Panel 2:
The greeter, addressing a group of newly arrived astronauts/colonists: "On an 8.5 month journey, you have a great deal of bone loss. Bodies are designed for IMPACT! Without gravity constantly impacting one's bones, the body unmakes itself."
Panel 3:
The greeter, looking at a tablet/scan: "That's strange..."
Panel 4:
The greeter: "On looking at this body scan, it appears you all have normal bone loss except in the pelvic region."
Panel 5:
The greeter glances down at his tablet (no dialogue).
Panel 6:
The greeter, looking up with a wary expression (no dialogue).
Panel 7:
The group of colonists sit silently in a row, looking guilty/awkward.
Panel 8:
The greeter: "Is this why you ran out of cooking oil halfway through?"
Panel 9:
The row of colonists in silence.
Panel 10:
The greeter, exasperated: "*sigh* How many of you need antibiotics?"
Panel 11:
Several of the colonists raise their hands.
Panel 12:
The greeter: "*sigh*"
Panel 13:
The colonists sit, some looking sheepish.
Panel 14:
The greeter, deadpan.
Panel 15:
The greeter (silhouetted), changing the subject: "Okay, let's stop talking about your bodies. Did the ship have any issues during transit?"
Panel 16:
The group of colonists (silhouetted): "Every device that creates suction is broken."
Votey:
A man with a worried, slightly sweaty/pained expression has a speech bubble: "Please fix them. I'll do anything!"
A bald, bearded official (the Mars greeter): "Welcome to Mars!"
Panel 2:
The greeter, addressing a group of newly arrived astronauts/colonists: "On an 8.5 month journey, you have a great deal of bone loss. Bodies are designed for IMPACT! Without gravity constantly impacting one's bones, the body unmakes itself."
Panel 3:
The greeter, looking at a tablet/scan: "That's strange..."
Panel 4:
The greeter: "On looking at this body scan, it appears you all have normal bone loss except in the pelvic region."
Panel 5:
The greeter glances down at his tablet (no dialogue).
Panel 6:
The greeter, looking up with a wary expression (no dialogue).
Panel 7:
The group of colonists sit silently in a row, looking guilty/awkward.
Panel 8:
The greeter: "Is this why you ran out of cooking oil halfway through?"
Panel 9:
The row of colonists in silence.
Panel 10:
The greeter, exasperated: "*sigh* How many of you need antibiotics?"
Panel 11:
Several of the colonists raise their hands.
Panel 12:
The greeter: "*sigh*"
Panel 13:
The colonists sit, some looking sheepish.
Panel 14:
The greeter, deadpan.
Panel 15:
The greeter (silhouetted), changing the subject: "Okay, let's stop talking about your bodies. Did the ship have any issues during transit?"
Panel 16:
The group of colonists (silhouetted): "Every device that creates suction is broken."
Votey:
A man with a worried, slightly sweaty/pained expression has a speech bubble: "Please fix them. I'll do anything!"
Alt text
A multi-panel SMBC comic. A bald, bearded Mars official greets a group of newly arrived space travelers: "Welcome to Mars!" He explains that an 8.5-month zero-gravity journey causes bone loss because "bodies are designed for IMPACT" and without gravity the body "unmakes itself." Reading a body scan, he says "That's strange... it appears you all have normal bone loss except in the pelvic region." After a tense silent beat where the travelers look guilty, he asks, "Is this why you ran out of cooking oil halfway through?" Another silence. He sighs and asks, "How many of you need antibiotics?" Several travelers raise their hands. He sighs again, then changes the subject: "Okay, let's stop talking about your bodies. Did the ship have any issues during transit?" The travelers (now in silhouette) reply: "Every device that creates suction is broken." The joke implies the crew spent the trip having a lot of sex, preserving their pelvic bones while breaking the ship. Votey (bonus panel): A close-up of a man with a worried, desperate expression pleading, "Please fix them. I'll do anything!" — his concern is for the broken suction devices.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.