teleporter
Original: teleporter on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
A scientist with dark skin and glasses: WELCOME TO MARS!
A man with red/flame-like hair (the new arrival): WOW! THAT WAS FAST!
Panel 2:
The scientist: THAT'S TELEPORTATION FOR YA! WE CONVERTED YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS TO A BITSTRING AND SENT IT OVER AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT.
Panel 3:
The red-haired man: IT MUST TAKE A LOT OF BANDWIDTH TO SEND A WHOLE CONSCIOUSNESS.
Panel 4:
The scientist: MOST HUMAN LIVES ARE SUSCEPTIBLE TO SERIOUS COMPRESSION.
Panel 5:
The red-haired man: NAH, NOT USUALLY.
Panel 6:
The scientist: FOR INSTANCE, WE LOSSLESSLY ELIMINATED A FULL 10% OF YOUR LIVED EXPERIENCE BY REPLACING IT WITH A GENERIC MARKER FOR "WORRYING ABOUT IMAGINED MEDICAL PROBLEMS."
Panel 7:
The scientist: OH SURE, OCCASIONALLY WE GET WILD GENIUSES OR ADVENTURERS, AND IT TAKES FOREVER TO COPY THEIR UNIQUE EXPERIENCES. BUT, THAT'S RARE.
Panel 8:
The scientist: COMPRESSING YOUR MIND... WELL, LET'S SAY IT'S LIKE CONVERTING THE FRENCH FLAG TO A GIF.
The red-haired man: CAN I JUST GO TO DISNEYLAND MARS NOW, PLEASE?
Votey:
The scientist: ONCE YOUR SEVEN YEARS OF SERVITUDE IS UP, YES.
A scientist with dark skin and glasses: WELCOME TO MARS!
A man with red/flame-like hair (the new arrival): WOW! THAT WAS FAST!
Panel 2:
The scientist: THAT'S TELEPORTATION FOR YA! WE CONVERTED YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS TO A BITSTRING AND SENT IT OVER AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT.
Panel 3:
The red-haired man: IT MUST TAKE A LOT OF BANDWIDTH TO SEND A WHOLE CONSCIOUSNESS.
Panel 4:
The scientist: MOST HUMAN LIVES ARE SUSCEPTIBLE TO SERIOUS COMPRESSION.
Panel 5:
The red-haired man: NAH, NOT USUALLY.
Panel 6:
The scientist: FOR INSTANCE, WE LOSSLESSLY ELIMINATED A FULL 10% OF YOUR LIVED EXPERIENCE BY REPLACING IT WITH A GENERIC MARKER FOR "WORRYING ABOUT IMAGINED MEDICAL PROBLEMS."
Panel 7:
The scientist: OH SURE, OCCASIONALLY WE GET WILD GENIUSES OR ADVENTURERS, AND IT TAKES FOREVER TO COPY THEIR UNIQUE EXPERIENCES. BUT, THAT'S RARE.
Panel 8:
The scientist: COMPRESSING YOUR MIND... WELL, LET'S SAY IT'S LIKE CONVERTING THE FRENCH FLAG TO A GIF.
The red-haired man: CAN I JUST GO TO DISNEYLAND MARS NOW, PLEASE?
Votey:
The scientist: ONCE YOUR SEVEN YEARS OF SERVITUDE IS UP, YES.
Alt text
An eight-panel comic. A red-haired man arrives via teleportation on Mars, greeted by a dark-skinned scientist in glasses who says "Welcome to Mars!" The man marvels at how fast it was. The scientist explains they teleported him by converting his consciousness to a bitstring and sending it at the speed of light. The man worries it must take a lot of bandwidth to send a whole consciousness, but the scientist says most human lives are susceptible to serious compression. The man insists, "Nah, not usually." The scientist replies that they losslessly eliminated a full 10% of his lived experience by replacing it with a generic marker for "worrying about imagined medical problems," and adds that wild geniuses or adventurers are rare and hard to compress. The scientist concludes that compressing this man's mind was "like converting the French flag to a GIF" (a jab implying his inner life is just a few flat blocks of color). Deflated, the man asks, "Can I just go to Disneyland Mars now, please?" Votey (aftercomic): the scientist answers, "Once your seven years of servitude is up, yes," revealing the trip was a trap.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.