amalekite
Original: amalekite on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
A man (praying, hands clasped): Dear God, in your holy word, you enjoin us to slay Amalekites wherever we find them, to wage eternal war.
God (voice from above): Yep.
Panel 2:
Man: Do we still need to do that? They must be gone by now.
God: Gone? What?
Panel 3:
God: It's been like 150 generations since their heyday. Their genes are diffused throughout HUUUUGE swaths of humanity. You should be targeting just about everyone on Earth for death all day long.
Panel 4:
Man: Isn't that what you guys have been doing for 2,000 years?
God: Killing Amalekites?
Man: Yeah.
Panel 5:
Man: I mean... not in particular.
God: Then what was all that killing about?
Man: That was just, like, regular killing.
Panel 6:
God: Regular killing?
Man: Can we change the subject?
God (silhouette): I really should've spent more than six days on this universe.
Votey:
God (in a speech bubble emanating from a flame-like presence): I wanted genocide, not indiscriminate killing, you monsters!
A man (praying, hands clasped): Dear God, in your holy word, you enjoin us to slay Amalekites wherever we find them, to wage eternal war.
God (voice from above): Yep.
Panel 2:
Man: Do we still need to do that? They must be gone by now.
God: Gone? What?
Panel 3:
God: It's been like 150 generations since their heyday. Their genes are diffused throughout HUUUUGE swaths of humanity. You should be targeting just about everyone on Earth for death all day long.
Panel 4:
Man: Isn't that what you guys have been doing for 2,000 years?
God: Killing Amalekites?
Man: Yeah.
Panel 5:
Man: I mean... not in particular.
God: Then what was all that killing about?
Man: That was just, like, regular killing.
Panel 6:
God: Regular killing?
Man: Can we change the subject?
God (silhouette): I really should've spent more than six days on this universe.
Votey:
God (in a speech bubble emanating from a flame-like presence): I wanted genocide, not indiscriminate killing, you monsters!
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic. A man with light hair speaks to God (an off-panel voice). Panel 1: The man prays with hands clasped, 'Dear God, in your holy word, you enjoin us to slay Amalekites wherever we find them, to wage eternal war.' God: 'Yep.' Panel 2: The man, puzzled, 'Do we still need to do that? They must be gone by now.' God: 'Gone? What?' Panel 3: God explains, 'It's been like 150 generations since their heyday. Their genes are diffused throughout HUUUUGE swaths of humanity. You should be targeting just about everyone on Earth for death all day long.' Panel 4: Man: 'Isn't that what you guys have been doing for 2,000 years?' God: 'Killing Amalekites?' Man: 'Yeah.' Panel 5: Man: 'I mean... not in particular.' God: 'Then what was all that killing about?' Man: 'That was just, like, regular killing.' Panel 6: God: 'Regular killing?' Man: 'Can we change the subject?' A dark silhouette of God's head sighs, 'I really should've spent more than six days on this universe.' Votey (aftercomic): A black panel with a single white speech bubble rising from a small flame-like figure. God exclaims, 'I wanted genocide, not indiscriminate killing, you monsters!' The joke: God is exasperated that humanity has been killing each other generically instead of carrying out the specific genocide commanded.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.