philosophy-2
Original: philosophy-2 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man with reddish hair and beard, in a red shirt: AS A MAN OF PHILOSOPHY, I BELIEVE LONGTERM CONSEQUENTIALISM IS THE MOST VALID ETHICAL FRAMEWORK. ALL OF OUR ACTIONS MUST BE CONSIDERED IN LIGHT OF THEIR PROBABLE EFFECTS OVER THE COURSE OF THE FUTURE.
Panel 2:
The man (eyes closed, content): AS A MAN OF SCIENCE, I KNOW HUMANITY WILL LIKELY NEVER ESCAPE THIS SOLAR SYSTEM, AND WILL THUS HAVE LITTLE TO NO EFFECT ON THE OTHER 99.999999999% OF THE COSMOS.
Panel 3:
The man (in profile): AS A MAN OF LOGIC, I MUST THEREFORE CONCLUDE THAT NO ACTION CARRIES ANY MORAL BURDEN.
Panel 4:
A pizza delivery person (in a cap, holding a pizza box): SIR, I'M JUST TRYING TO DELIVER YOUR PIZZA SO I CAN LEAVE.
The man (now seen from behind, in his red shirt): LONG STORY SHORT, I DON'T TIP MORE THAN FIVE PERCENT.
Votey:
The man, drawn in a loose hand-sketched style: BECAUSE ZERO IS LESS THAN FIVE.
Man with reddish hair and beard, in a red shirt: AS A MAN OF PHILOSOPHY, I BELIEVE LONGTERM CONSEQUENTIALISM IS THE MOST VALID ETHICAL FRAMEWORK. ALL OF OUR ACTIONS MUST BE CONSIDERED IN LIGHT OF THEIR PROBABLE EFFECTS OVER THE COURSE OF THE FUTURE.
Panel 2:
The man (eyes closed, content): AS A MAN OF SCIENCE, I KNOW HUMANITY WILL LIKELY NEVER ESCAPE THIS SOLAR SYSTEM, AND WILL THUS HAVE LITTLE TO NO EFFECT ON THE OTHER 99.999999999% OF THE COSMOS.
Panel 3:
The man (in profile): AS A MAN OF LOGIC, I MUST THEREFORE CONCLUDE THAT NO ACTION CARRIES ANY MORAL BURDEN.
Panel 4:
A pizza delivery person (in a cap, holding a pizza box): SIR, I'M JUST TRYING TO DELIVER YOUR PIZZA SO I CAN LEAVE.
The man (now seen from behind, in his red shirt): LONG STORY SHORT, I DON'T TIP MORE THAN FIVE PERCENT.
Votey:
The man, drawn in a loose hand-sketched style: BECAUSE ZERO IS LESS THAN FIVE.
Alt text
A four-panel comic. In the first three panels, a smug man with reddish hair and beard in a red shirt builds an elaborate philosophical argument: as a 'man of philosophy' he endorses longterm consequentialism (all actions judged by their effects over the future); as a 'man of science' he notes humanity will likely never escape the solar system and so will affect almost none of the cosmos; and as a 'man of logic' he concludes that therefore no action carries any moral burden. In the final panel the camera pulls back to reveal he has been delivering this monologue to a tired pizza delivery person holding a pizza box, who says, 'Sir, I'm just trying to deliver your pizza so I can leave.' The man replies, 'Long story short, I don't tip more than five percent.' The joke: his grand cosmic nihilism is just a justification for stiffing the delivery driver. Votey (hand-sketched bonus panel): the man's face beside a speech bubble reading 'Because zero is less than five' — implying his real generosity is even worse than the five percent.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.