cyanobacteria
Original: cyanobacteria on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Caption: 2.3 BILLION YEARS AGO...
Panel 1: A field of green rod-shaped cyanobacteria floating in water.
A cyanobacterium: "FELLOW CYANOBACTERIA! WE HAVE TO STOP DUMPING OXYGEN INTO THE ATMOSPHERE!"
Panel 2: A cyanobacterium replies.
Cyanobacterium: "SURE, IT'S THE EASY THING TO DO, BUT IF THE ENVIRONMENT GETS TOO OXYGENATED, WE'LL BEGIN A PROCESS OF 'GLOBAL MAMMALING!'"
Panel 3: Another cyanobacterium.
Cyanobacterium: "NOTHING WILL CHANGE IN OUR LIFETIMES, BUT OUR DESCENDANTS ONE DAY WILL BE POOPED ON BY GIANT SMELLY FURRY CREATURES."
Panel 4 (wordless): A single green cyanobacterium.
Panel 5 (wordless): A green cyanobacterium, now drawn with a dark, fuzzy/spiky outline.
Caption: LATER...
Panel 6: A landscape with green bushes, water, and the brown furry flank of a large animal at left. Two people (offscreen, near the animal) speak.
Person 1: "LOOK AT THAT STRANGE STAR MOVING IN THE SKY!"
Person 2 (Steve is addressed): "THAT'S AN ELK'S ANUS, STEVE."
Person 1 (Steve): "GOD, I HATE LIVING IN THE APOCALYPSE."
Votey:
Text: "BEGIN OPERATION CARBON DIOXIDE."
(Below the text, a simple line drawing of a reclining/lounging figure or hilly shape.)
Panel 1: A field of green rod-shaped cyanobacteria floating in water.
A cyanobacterium: "FELLOW CYANOBACTERIA! WE HAVE TO STOP DUMPING OXYGEN INTO THE ATMOSPHERE!"
Panel 2: A cyanobacterium replies.
Cyanobacterium: "SURE, IT'S THE EASY THING TO DO, BUT IF THE ENVIRONMENT GETS TOO OXYGENATED, WE'LL BEGIN A PROCESS OF 'GLOBAL MAMMALING!'"
Panel 3: Another cyanobacterium.
Cyanobacterium: "NOTHING WILL CHANGE IN OUR LIFETIMES, BUT OUR DESCENDANTS ONE DAY WILL BE POOPED ON BY GIANT SMELLY FURRY CREATURES."
Panel 4 (wordless): A single green cyanobacterium.
Panel 5 (wordless): A green cyanobacterium, now drawn with a dark, fuzzy/spiky outline.
Caption: LATER...
Panel 6: A landscape with green bushes, water, and the brown furry flank of a large animal at left. Two people (offscreen, near the animal) speak.
Person 1: "LOOK AT THAT STRANGE STAR MOVING IN THE SKY!"
Person 2 (Steve is addressed): "THAT'S AN ELK'S ANUS, STEVE."
Person 1 (Steve): "GOD, I HATE LIVING IN THE APOCALYPSE."
Votey:
Text: "BEGIN OPERATION CARBON DIOXIDE."
(Below the text, a simple line drawing of a reclining/lounging figure or hilly shape.)
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic. Caption: "2.3 billion years ago." Green rod-shaped cyanobacteria float in water. One declares, "Fellow cyanobacteria! We have to stop dumping oxygen into the atmosphere!" Another answers that stopping is easy, "but if the environment gets too oxygenated, we'll begin a process of 'global mammaling!'" A third warns their descendants "one day will be pooped on by giant smelly furry creatures." Two wordless panels show a single cyanobacterium, the second now drawn with a dark fuzzy outline. Caption: "Later." A landscape of bushes and water, with the brown furry flank of a large animal at left. One person says, "Look at that strange star moving in the sky!" Another replies, "That's an elk's anus, Steve." The first laments, "God, I hate living in the apocalypse." Votey: text reads "Begin operation carbon dioxide," above a simple line drawing of a reclining figure.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.