cryogenic
Original: cryogenic on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A red-haired man lies in a cryogenic pod, eyes open.
Red-haired man: My god, it worked! I've awakened in the future after cryogenic freezing!
Panel 2: A green-haired person of the future leans in.
Green-haired person: Look! His eyes are open!
Panel 3: The green-haired person gestures grandly toward the man.
Green-haired person: Thus, across space and time, we reach out to an ancient cosmos!
Red-haired man: Yo.
Panel 4: The future people address the man.
Green-haired person: Tell us of your great artists!
Red-haired man: Uh, like... which in particular?
Panel 5: A glowing blue holographic figure of a muscular man rises from a device.
Green-haired person: These aren't artists. They're all porn stars.
Panel 6: The man, looking uncertain.
Red-haired man: I mean... I guess. From the look of things. From looking only just now.
Panel 7: A green-haired future person explains earnestly.
Green-haired person: Yes! We have used ancient "videos" and emotion-scanning algorithms to determine their exact mental states during their erotic orchestrations.
Panel 8: The man asks a question.
Red-haired man: What about the musicians and painters and poets and whatever?
Green-haired person: They are the great geniuses of humanity's first three millennia.
Panel 9: The future person continues, dismissively.
Green-haired person: Oh, them. They're fine but honestly, how much depth can you get from ink on dead trees or vibrations in cat-gut?
Panel 10: The future person makes a sweeping declaration.
Green-haired person: Your "porn stars" chose as their instruments the entire human mind!
Panel 11: The future person speaks with reverence.
Green-haired person: They had the misfortune to live when those sensations could not be shared. But, we have reconstructed them, and they are sublime beyond all imagining.
Panel 12: The man, slightly amused.
Red-haired man: Huh.
Green-haired person: Well, it turns out I'm an expert in ancient art.
Panel 13: The man asks about the future world; the future people walk away.
Red-haired man: But tell me of your world. Have you solved hunger? Disease? Scarcity?
Green-haired person: We're actually in the midst of a serious Kleenex shortage.
Votey:
A green-haired future person speaks while gazing wistfully.
Green-haired person: It's amazing how many people from the past were so versed in the classics.
Red-haired man: My god, it worked! I've awakened in the future after cryogenic freezing!
Panel 2: A green-haired person of the future leans in.
Green-haired person: Look! His eyes are open!
Panel 3: The green-haired person gestures grandly toward the man.
Green-haired person: Thus, across space and time, we reach out to an ancient cosmos!
Red-haired man: Yo.
Panel 4: The future people address the man.
Green-haired person: Tell us of your great artists!
Red-haired man: Uh, like... which in particular?
Panel 5: A glowing blue holographic figure of a muscular man rises from a device.
Green-haired person: These aren't artists. They're all porn stars.
Panel 6: The man, looking uncertain.
Red-haired man: I mean... I guess. From the look of things. From looking only just now.
Panel 7: A green-haired future person explains earnestly.
Green-haired person: Yes! We have used ancient "videos" and emotion-scanning algorithms to determine their exact mental states during their erotic orchestrations.
Panel 8: The man asks a question.
Red-haired man: What about the musicians and painters and poets and whatever?
Green-haired person: They are the great geniuses of humanity's first three millennia.
Panel 9: The future person continues, dismissively.
Green-haired person: Oh, them. They're fine but honestly, how much depth can you get from ink on dead trees or vibrations in cat-gut?
Panel 10: The future person makes a sweeping declaration.
Green-haired person: Your "porn stars" chose as their instruments the entire human mind!
Panel 11: The future person speaks with reverence.
Green-haired person: They had the misfortune to live when those sensations could not be shared. But, we have reconstructed them, and they are sublime beyond all imagining.
Panel 12: The man, slightly amused.
Red-haired man: Huh.
Green-haired person: Well, it turns out I'm an expert in ancient art.
Panel 13: The man asks about the future world; the future people walk away.
Red-haired man: But tell me of your world. Have you solved hunger? Disease? Scarcity?
Green-haired person: We're actually in the midst of a serious Kleenex shortage.
Votey:
A green-haired future person speaks while gazing wistfully.
Green-haired person: It's amazing how many people from the past were so versed in the classics.
Alt text
A long-form SMBC comic. A red-haired man wakes from a cryogenic pod in the far future and is greeted by green-haired future people who hail him as a link to the ancient cosmos. When asked about humanity's great artists, the future people reveal a glowing blue hologram of a muscular figure and explain that the true geniuses humanity revered are its porn stars: using old 'videos' and emotion-scanning algorithms, they reconstructed the performers' exact mental and erotic states, deeming them sublime beyond all imagining and the use of 'the entire human mind' as an instrument. They dismiss musicians, painters, and poets as merely fine, asking how much depth can come from ink on dead trees or vibrations in cat-gut. The future person declares himself an expert in this ancient art. When the man asks whether they have solved hunger, disease, or scarcity, the reply is that they are in the midst of a serious Kleenex shortage. In the votey, a future person muses wistfully that it's amazing how many people from the past were so versed in the classics.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.