hunting-man
Original: hunting-man on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Mercenary (a bald man with an eyepatch, gritting his teeth): I'm tired of wild game. I want to hunt the deadliest prey: MAN.
Panel 2:
Administrator (a man in a suit at a desk): Sir, that is not the domain of a sporting hunter.
Panel 3:
Administrator: Have you seen man? On average, man is on a couch.
Panel 4:
Administrator: How do you imagine this is a challenge? Hunting man is like hunting a chimp with no legs.
Panel 5:
Mercenary: I mean, look at me! You're armed, you're talking to me about killing people, and I'm still putting 75% of my attention into watching this cooking show. [He holds a tablet/device labeled "French Prep."]
Panel 6:
Mercenary: Is this the one where they battle to see who's best at noodles?
Administrator: I know the one you're talking about, but this is a different show about cooking the best noodles.
Panel 7:
Mercenary: Ah.
Panel 8:
Mercenary: So, if I want the thrill of danger... to feel death nipping at my heels...
Administrator: Texting while driving is pretty popular.
Votey:
A close-up of the administrator's face, speaking.
Administrator: Or try eating bacon every day for twenty years.
Mercenary (a bald man with an eyepatch, gritting his teeth): I'm tired of wild game. I want to hunt the deadliest prey: MAN.
Panel 2:
Administrator (a man in a suit at a desk): Sir, that is not the domain of a sporting hunter.
Panel 3:
Administrator: Have you seen man? On average, man is on a couch.
Panel 4:
Administrator: How do you imagine this is a challenge? Hunting man is like hunting a chimp with no legs.
Panel 5:
Mercenary: I mean, look at me! You're armed, you're talking to me about killing people, and I'm still putting 75% of my attention into watching this cooking show. [He holds a tablet/device labeled "French Prep."]
Panel 6:
Mercenary: Is this the one where they battle to see who's best at noodles?
Administrator: I know the one you're talking about, but this is a different show about cooking the best noodles.
Panel 7:
Mercenary: Ah.
Panel 8:
Mercenary: So, if I want the thrill of danger... to feel death nipping at my heels...
Administrator: Texting while driving is pretty popular.
Votey:
A close-up of the administrator's face, speaking.
Administrator: Or try eating bacon every day for twenty years.
Alt text
An eight-panel black-comedy SMBC comic. A bald, scowling mercenary with an eyepatch tells a clean-cut man in a suit seated at a desk that he's tired of wild game and wants to hunt the deadliest prey: MAN. The administrator deflects: that isn't the domain of a sporting hunter, because on average 'man is on a couch,' and hunting man would be like hunting a legless chimp. The mercenary counters that even right now, while armed and discussing killing, he's giving 75% of his attention to a cooking show on a tablet. He and the administrator briefly debate which noodle-cooking competition show it is. When the mercenary insists he wants the thrill of danger, to feel death nipping at his heels, the administrator deadpans, 'Texting while driving is pretty popular.' Votey: a close-up of the administrator adding, 'Or try eating bacon every day for twenty years.' The joke: modern everyday habits are the real deadly pursuits, not hunting humans.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.