honest-sex-ed
Original: honest-sex-ed on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Teacher (a woman with glasses and graying hair, in a pink sweater): WELCOME TO SEX ED, KIDS. SEX IS WHEN TWO PEOPLE GET TOGETHER, AND FOR FUN, THEY PUT ONE THINGY IN ANOTHER THINGY.
Panel 2:
Student (a girl with red hair): HOLDING HANDS IS SEX?
Teacher: I SAID FUN. YOU CALL THAT FUN?
Panel 3:
Teacher: YOU PICKED A REALLLY STALLION, SALLY.
Panel 4:
Teacher (pointing at a chalkboard showing the equation D = T_D / (B + S_TD)): ANYWAY, THE GOAL OF SEX IS TO MAXIMIZE YOUR "D SCORE." THAT'S TIMES YOU'VE DONKED, DIVIDED BY THE SUM OF BABIES AND STDs YOU'VE HAD.
Panel 5:
A student (raising a hand): WHAT ABOUT LOVE?
Teacher: AH! GOOD QUESTION.
Panel 6:
Teacher: KIDS, LET'S DISCUSS CLINGYNESS.
Votey:
A student: Who are you?
The teacher: I substitute when I want, where I want!
Teacher (a woman with glasses and graying hair, in a pink sweater): WELCOME TO SEX ED, KIDS. SEX IS WHEN TWO PEOPLE GET TOGETHER, AND FOR FUN, THEY PUT ONE THINGY IN ANOTHER THINGY.
Panel 2:
Student (a girl with red hair): HOLDING HANDS IS SEX?
Teacher: I SAID FUN. YOU CALL THAT FUN?
Panel 3:
Teacher: YOU PICKED A REALLLY STALLION, SALLY.
Panel 4:
Teacher (pointing at a chalkboard showing the equation D = T_D / (B + S_TD)): ANYWAY, THE GOAL OF SEX IS TO MAXIMIZE YOUR "D SCORE." THAT'S TIMES YOU'VE DONKED, DIVIDED BY THE SUM OF BABIES AND STDs YOU'VE HAD.
Panel 5:
A student (raising a hand): WHAT ABOUT LOVE?
Teacher: AH! GOOD QUESTION.
Panel 6:
Teacher: KIDS, LET'S DISCUSS CLINGYNESS.
Votey:
A student: Who are you?
The teacher: I substitute when I want, where I want!
Alt text
A six-panel comic depicting an over-the-top sex-ed class taught by a smug woman with glasses, graying hair, and a pink sweater. Panel 1: she announces sex is when two people get together and "for fun" put one thingy in another thingy. Panel 2: a red-haired girl asks "Holding hands is sex?" and the teacher snaps, "I said fun. You call that fun?" Panel 3: the teacher tells her, "You picked a reallly stallion, Sally." Panel 4: she points at a chalkboard showing the equation D = T-sub-D over (B + S-sub-TD), explaining the goal of sex is to maximize your "D score": times you've donked divided by the sum of babies and STDs you've had. Panel 5: a student asks "What about love?" and she replies "Ah! Good question." Panel 6: she pivots, "Kids, let's discuss clingyness." Votey: a hand-drawn panel where a student asks the teacher "Who are you?" and she answers, "I substitute when I want, where I want!" revealing she is a rogue substitute teacher.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.