dream-inequality
Original: dream-inequality on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (Caption): WE DISCOVERED A MASSIVE SOCIAL INEQUALITY
Man with flame-like hair: I MEAN, IF YOU HAD AS MANY GREAT DREAMS AS ME, YOU'D BE A GAZILLIONAIRE AND A FIREBALL!
Woman: HE DID?
Boy: IT'S NOT FAIR!
Panel 2 (Caption): SOCIOLOGISTS INVESTIGATED
Narration: APPARENTLY, DREAMS PEAK AT AGE 7, AFTER WHICH THEY TAPER OFF, CONVERGING TO ALMOST NOTHING BY AGE 12.
Man (scientist): US ADULTS ARE THE 99%.
Panel 3 (Caption): SOCIOLOGISTS MADE SUGGESTIONS
Narration: WE NEED TO GET CHILDREN TO SAVE THEIR DREAMS IN PLEDGES.
Man at podium: HOW ABOUT WE FORCE THEM INTO A NO-BANKRUPTCY-ALLOWED HIGH-INTEREST LOAN IN ORDER TO ACHIEVE A CERTIFICATE THAT QUALIFIES THEM FOR A MIDDLE-CLASS JOB?
Woman: THAT JUST SEEMS DECADENT.
Panel 4 (Caption): POLITICIANS ACTED ON SUGGESTIONS
Man at podium: WE NEED TO MAKE SURE THE KEY IS A HEALTHY ECONOMY, BUT A LITERALLY VERY SMALL PORTION OF THE POPULATION CONTROLS ALL OF THEIR GOOD GAS. THEY'VE GOT CHILDREN'S GAS, CHILDREN ARE THE FUTURE, SO THEY OUGHT TO START PAYING NOW.
Panel 5 (Caption): THERE WAS SOME PUSHBACK AGAINST ELITES
Narration: A 2% NATIONAL DREAM TAX? DAMNED DREAM PLEBEIANS. I'D DREAM UP A WAY TO DESTROY THEM, BUT THEY'D TAX THAT TOO!
Man reading newspaper (thought/speech): MOTHER! ANOTHER BRANDIES AND TONIC!
Panel 6 (Caption): AS THE NEW SYSTEM PROGRESSED, SOCIOLOGISTS NOTICED EMERGENT EFFECTS
Narration: APPARENTLY, ANOTHER NIGHT DREAMING MAKES THE AIRBRUSH ADULT LESS HAPPY. I WONDER WHY?
Man: HAD CAREER, I'LL NEVER BE THE LUNCHTIME ASTRONAUT I WAS MEANT TO BE.
Panel 7 (Caption): THE MORE THEY CALCULATED, DREAMS WERE TAXED, THE MORE ADULT THEY BECAME...
Narration: HEY! SUSIE JAMARA CAME TO MY TREEHOUSE AND PLAY FRUGAL PERSONAL FINANCE!
Girl: HOORAY!
Panel 8 (Caption): BUT, BY TAKING THE SYSTEM WAS WORKABLE OR DEFENSIBLE
Woman: THE YOUNGEST PEOPLE CAN AFFORD TO FULFILL THEIR DREAMS. EVERYONE ELSE IS SAD.
Woman (scientist): WE NEED TO PETITION THE SUPREME COURT TO LET THEM KNOW THEY UNHELD THIS SYSTEM.
Man (small): THEY DEFTED US A PERSONHOOD GRANT?
Panel 9 (Caption): ON THE PLUS SIDE, OLD RICH PEOPLE HAD FAR MORE IMAGINOS
Old man: I AM BATMAN! WHEE!
Panel 10: Batman: HMMMM. THERE REMAINS A BIT OF GENERATIONAL STRIFE.
Batman: NOW THAT YOU'VE TAKEN ALL ADULT'S DREAMS, COULD YOU AT LEAST SHARE SOME OF THE WEALTH?
Man (off-panel reply): I FEEL YOU'VE THESE DAYS THESE KIDS ARE SO ENTITLED.
Narration (final caption): THIS BONUS UPDATE IS THANKS TO PEOPLE WHO PREORDERED SOONISH! THANK YOU! CLICK FOR MORE INFO.
Votey:
A Batman figure with a spiky cape gleefully shouts "Batarang!" as a cartoonish hand throws a bat-shaped object at a wide-eyed bat creature.
Man with flame-like hair: I MEAN, IF YOU HAD AS MANY GREAT DREAMS AS ME, YOU'D BE A GAZILLIONAIRE AND A FIREBALL!
Woman: HE DID?
Boy: IT'S NOT FAIR!
Panel 2 (Caption): SOCIOLOGISTS INVESTIGATED
Narration: APPARENTLY, DREAMS PEAK AT AGE 7, AFTER WHICH THEY TAPER OFF, CONVERGING TO ALMOST NOTHING BY AGE 12.
Man (scientist): US ADULTS ARE THE 99%.
Panel 3 (Caption): SOCIOLOGISTS MADE SUGGESTIONS
Narration: WE NEED TO GET CHILDREN TO SAVE THEIR DREAMS IN PLEDGES.
Man at podium: HOW ABOUT WE FORCE THEM INTO A NO-BANKRUPTCY-ALLOWED HIGH-INTEREST LOAN IN ORDER TO ACHIEVE A CERTIFICATE THAT QUALIFIES THEM FOR A MIDDLE-CLASS JOB?
Woman: THAT JUST SEEMS DECADENT.
Panel 4 (Caption): POLITICIANS ACTED ON SUGGESTIONS
Man at podium: WE NEED TO MAKE SURE THE KEY IS A HEALTHY ECONOMY, BUT A LITERALLY VERY SMALL PORTION OF THE POPULATION CONTROLS ALL OF THEIR GOOD GAS. THEY'VE GOT CHILDREN'S GAS, CHILDREN ARE THE FUTURE, SO THEY OUGHT TO START PAYING NOW.
Panel 5 (Caption): THERE WAS SOME PUSHBACK AGAINST ELITES
Narration: A 2% NATIONAL DREAM TAX? DAMNED DREAM PLEBEIANS. I'D DREAM UP A WAY TO DESTROY THEM, BUT THEY'D TAX THAT TOO!
Man reading newspaper (thought/speech): MOTHER! ANOTHER BRANDIES AND TONIC!
Panel 6 (Caption): AS THE NEW SYSTEM PROGRESSED, SOCIOLOGISTS NOTICED EMERGENT EFFECTS
Narration: APPARENTLY, ANOTHER NIGHT DREAMING MAKES THE AIRBRUSH ADULT LESS HAPPY. I WONDER WHY?
Man: HAD CAREER, I'LL NEVER BE THE LUNCHTIME ASTRONAUT I WAS MEANT TO BE.
Panel 7 (Caption): THE MORE THEY CALCULATED, DREAMS WERE TAXED, THE MORE ADULT THEY BECAME...
Narration: HEY! SUSIE JAMARA CAME TO MY TREEHOUSE AND PLAY FRUGAL PERSONAL FINANCE!
Girl: HOORAY!
Panel 8 (Caption): BUT, BY TAKING THE SYSTEM WAS WORKABLE OR DEFENSIBLE
Woman: THE YOUNGEST PEOPLE CAN AFFORD TO FULFILL THEIR DREAMS. EVERYONE ELSE IS SAD.
Woman (scientist): WE NEED TO PETITION THE SUPREME COURT TO LET THEM KNOW THEY UNHELD THIS SYSTEM.
Man (small): THEY DEFTED US A PERSONHOOD GRANT?
Panel 9 (Caption): ON THE PLUS SIDE, OLD RICH PEOPLE HAD FAR MORE IMAGINOS
Old man: I AM BATMAN! WHEE!
Panel 10: Batman: HMMMM. THERE REMAINS A BIT OF GENERATIONAL STRIFE.
Batman: NOW THAT YOU'VE TAKEN ALL ADULT'S DREAMS, COULD YOU AT LEAST SHARE SOME OF THE WEALTH?
Man (off-panel reply): I FEEL YOU'VE THESE DAYS THESE KIDS ARE SO ENTITLED.
Narration (final caption): THIS BONUS UPDATE IS THANKS TO PEOPLE WHO PREORDERED SOONISH! THANK YOU! CLICK FOR MORE INFO.
Votey:
A Batman figure with a spiky cape gleefully shouts "Batarang!" as a cartoonish hand throws a bat-shaped object at a wide-eyed bat creature.
Alt text
A tall multi-panel SMBC comic told as a mock sociology report (captions in bold). The premise: sociologists discover that dreams (imagination) are a 'massive social inequality' that peaks at age 7 and fades to nothing by age 12, so adults are 'the 99%.' A man with flame-like hair brags he has so many great dreams he's a 'gazillionaire and a fireball,' to his family's envy. Sociologists suggest getting children to save their dreams via pledges, then propose forcing kids into no-bankruptcy high-interest loans to earn a certificate qualifying them for a middle-class job; a woman calls it decadent. Politicians enact a 'National Dream Tax' on children, since 'children are the future,' prompting an elite reading a newspaper to grumble about taxing dreams while demanding 'another brandies and tonic.' Emergent effects follow: taxing kids' dreams makes adults sadder ('I'll never be the lunchtime astronaut I was meant to be'), while children become prematurely grown-up, happily playing 'frugal personal finance' in a treehouse. Officials debate petitioning the Supreme Court, noting only the youngest can afford to fulfill dreams. On the plus side, old rich people now have more imagination: a wealthy old man gleefully cries 'I am Batman! Whee!' Finally, a man dressed as Batman complains of 'generational strife' and asks the dream-hoarding rich to share the wealth, only to be dismissed with 'these kids are so entitled.' A closing caption thanks people who preordered the book Soonish for this bonus update. Votey: a doodle of a caped Batman figure shouting 'Batarang!' as a cartoon hand hurls a bat-shaped object at a startled bat creature.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.