fish-don39t-feel-pain
Original: fish-don39t-feel-pain on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1
Man (a balding, bespectacled philosopher): Recent scientific studies suggest that fish do not feel pain in the same sense that humans do.
Panel 2
Philosopher: As a philosopher of ethics, this finding could undermine 30 years of my life's work.
Panel 3
Philosopher (smiling): I have therefore teamed up with geneticists to take pain perception genes from loveable intelligent dolphins and transplant them into a species of salmon.
Panel 4
Philosopher (gesturing, holding up a drawing of a fish): The salmon will also be genetically modified to have humanoid vocal chords that permit the word "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Panel 5
Philosopher (leaning in, wide-eyed): So... if someone asks whether fish feel pain... the answer is...
Philosopher (whispering): SOON.
Votey:
A speech balloon points to a smiling face that has two large eyes and a mouth.
Text in the balloon: The fishy's name is Ouchie!
Man (a balding, bespectacled philosopher): Recent scientific studies suggest that fish do not feel pain in the same sense that humans do.
Panel 2
Philosopher: As a philosopher of ethics, this finding could undermine 30 years of my life's work.
Panel 3
Philosopher (smiling): I have therefore teamed up with geneticists to take pain perception genes from loveable intelligent dolphins and transplant them into a species of salmon.
Panel 4
Philosopher (gesturing, holding up a drawing of a fish): The salmon will also be genetically modified to have humanoid vocal chords that permit the word "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Panel 5
Philosopher (leaning in, wide-eyed): So... if someone asks whether fish feel pain... the answer is...
Philosopher (whispering): SOON.
Votey:
A speech balloon points to a smiling face that has two large eyes and a mouth.
Text in the balloon: The fishy's name is Ouchie!
Alt text
A five-panel comic. A balding, bespectacled man speaks to the reader across the panels. He says recent scientific studies suggest fish do not feel pain the same way humans do, and as a philosopher of ethics this could undermine 30 years of his life's work. Smiling, he explains he has therefore teamed up with geneticists to take pain-perception genes from loveable intelligent dolphins and transplant them into a species of salmon. Holding up a drawing of a fish, he adds the salmon will also be genetically modified to have humanoid vocal chords that permit the word "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!". Leaning in wide-eyed, he says: so, if someone asks whether fish feel pain, the answer is... and whispers "SOON." Votey: a smiling face with two big eyes; a speech balloon reads "The fishy's name is Ouchie!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.