anti-theodicy
Original: anti-theodicy on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Girl: Father, you know how the world is naturally good all the time?
Priest: Uh... sure?
Panel 2:
Girl: But how can that be?
Panel 3:
Girl: If good things always happen to good people, how do you explain the existence of a jerkass god?
Panel 4:
Priest: I think you've got something backwards.
Girl: Read the Bible!
Panel 5:
Girl: You have this perfect place until god sends a talking snake to ruin it!
Panel 6:
Girl: Or just you've got a guy with health, wealth, & family, so god steps in to ruin his life!
Panel 7:
Girl: Look at Sodom and Gomorrah! You have two whole cities having fun all the time, so god steps in and explodes them!
Panel 8:
Girl: Look at the book of Job! You've got a guy with wealth and health, & boom, god steps in to ruin his life!
Panel 9:
Girl: That's three kinds of good: innocent, honorable, hedonic. All of them occurred naturally... until god stepped in.
Panel 10:
Girl: So, if god created the universe and is always running around messing stuff up, how is it that the universe is naturally so great until he intervenes?
Panel 11:
Priest: I... uh.
Panel 12:
Girl: Why didn't a jerkass god create a jerkass universe?
Panel 13 (final wide panel, parent and child walking as silhouettes):
Parent: I think you've discovered a new branch of theology.
Girl: See! Good things are happening all the time!
Votey:
Caption: Looks like someone needs some lightning!
(An orange/brown egg-shaped object is being struck from below by a yellow lightning bolt.)
Girl: Father, you know how the world is naturally good all the time?
Priest: Uh... sure?
Panel 2:
Girl: But how can that be?
Panel 3:
Girl: If good things always happen to good people, how do you explain the existence of a jerkass god?
Panel 4:
Priest: I think you've got something backwards.
Girl: Read the Bible!
Panel 5:
Girl: You have this perfect place until god sends a talking snake to ruin it!
Panel 6:
Girl: Or just you've got a guy with health, wealth, & family, so god steps in to ruin his life!
Panel 7:
Girl: Look at Sodom and Gomorrah! You have two whole cities having fun all the time, so god steps in and explodes them!
Panel 8:
Girl: Look at the book of Job! You've got a guy with wealth and health, & boom, god steps in to ruin his life!
Panel 9:
Girl: That's three kinds of good: innocent, honorable, hedonic. All of them occurred naturally... until god stepped in.
Panel 10:
Girl: So, if god created the universe and is always running around messing stuff up, how is it that the universe is naturally so great until he intervenes?
Panel 11:
Priest: I... uh.
Panel 12:
Girl: Why didn't a jerkass god create a jerkass universe?
Panel 13 (final wide panel, parent and child walking as silhouettes):
Parent: I think you've discovered a new branch of theology.
Girl: See! Good things are happening all the time!
Votey:
Caption: Looks like someone needs some lightning!
(An orange/brown egg-shaped object is being struck from below by a yellow lightning bolt.)
Alt text
A long single-column SMBC comic. A young girl interrogates a gray-haired priest in a black clerical collar about theology. She asks, 'Father, you know how the world is naturally good all the time? But how can that be? If good things always happen to good people, how do you explain the existence of a jerkass god?' The priest says she has something backwards. The girl, increasingly animated, argues from scripture that the world is good until God intervenes: in Eden a perfect place is ruined when God sends a talking snake; a man with health, wealth, and family has his life ruined; Sodom and Gomorrah are two whole cities having fun until God explodes them; in the Book of Job a prosperous man is ruined. She concludes these are three kinds of good (innocent, honorable, hedonic) that all occurred naturally until God stepped in, and asks how the universe can be naturally so great until He intervenes. The priest can only stammer 'I... uh.' She asks, 'Why didn't a jerkass god create a jerkass universe?' In the final wide panel, shown as silhouettes, a parent and the girl walk across a grassy field; the parent says, 'I think you've discovered a new branch of theology,' and the girl cheerfully replies, 'See! Good things are happening all the time!' Votey aftercomic: an orange egg-shaped object floats against a blue sky, being struck from below by a jagged yellow lightning bolt, with the handwritten caption 'Looks like someone needs some lightning!'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.