the-perils-of-population
Original: the-perils-of-population on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (line graph):
Y-axis label: POPULATION
X-axis label: TIME
The curve stays flat near zero, then spikes sharply upward at the far right.
Panel 2 (pie chart):
A large pie chart that is almost entirely one slice, with a tiny red sliver at the right edge.
Large slice label: 99.9999% BASICALLY OKAY PEOPLE
Tiny red sliver, with an arrow pointing to it and accompanying text: 0.0001% THE KIND OF PEOPLE WHO WILL BUY SOMETHING, STICK IT UP AN ORIFICE, THEN BLAME THE SELLER WHEN IT GETS STUCK.
Panel 3 (line graph):
Y-axis label: ABSOLUTE QUANTITY OF THESE ASSHOLES
X-axis label: TIME
The curve stays flat near zero, then spikes sharply upward at the far right (same shape as Panel 1).
Panel 4 (scene):
A child and an older man stand in front of tall library/store shelves.
Child: WHY DOES EVERY MEDICINE HAVE A GIANT WARNING LABEL?
Man: DEMOGRAPHY.
Votey:
Handwritten text inside a panel:
Proposed symbol for absolute assholes:
| * |
Y-axis label: POPULATION
X-axis label: TIME
The curve stays flat near zero, then spikes sharply upward at the far right.
Panel 2 (pie chart):
A large pie chart that is almost entirely one slice, with a tiny red sliver at the right edge.
Large slice label: 99.9999% BASICALLY OKAY PEOPLE
Tiny red sliver, with an arrow pointing to it and accompanying text: 0.0001% THE KIND OF PEOPLE WHO WILL BUY SOMETHING, STICK IT UP AN ORIFICE, THEN BLAME THE SELLER WHEN IT GETS STUCK.
Panel 3 (line graph):
Y-axis label: ABSOLUTE QUANTITY OF THESE ASSHOLES
X-axis label: TIME
The curve stays flat near zero, then spikes sharply upward at the far right (same shape as Panel 1).
Panel 4 (scene):
A child and an older man stand in front of tall library/store shelves.
Child: WHY DOES EVERY MEDICINE HAVE A GIANT WARNING LABEL?
Man: DEMOGRAPHY.
Votey:
Handwritten text inside a panel:
Proposed symbol for absolute assholes:
| * |
Alt text
A four-panel SMBC comic. Panel 1: a line graph labeled POPULATION (y-axis) versus TIME (x-axis); the line is flat then spikes sharply upward at the right, showing exponential population growth. Panel 2: a pie chart that is almost entirely one big slice labeled '99.9999% basically okay people,' with a tiny red sliver labeled '0.0001% the kind of people who will buy something, stick it up an orifice, then blame the seller when it gets stuck.' Panel 3: an identically-shaped exponential line graph, but the y-axis now reads 'ABSOLUTE QUANTITY OF THESE ASSHOLES' versus TIME, implying that even a microscopic fraction of a huge growing population yields a large and growing absolute number of such people. Panel 4: a child asks an older man, 'Why does every medicine have a giant warning label?' The man replies, 'Demography.' Votey (aftercomic): a single panel with handwritten text reading 'Proposed symbol for absolute assholes:' above the symbol '| * |' (two vertical bars flanking an asterisk).
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.