sex-has-been-solved
Original: sex-has-been-solved on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man: Hey, whatcha doin' tonight?
Woman: Sorry, I'm not in the mood ever again.
Panel 2:
Woman: I created a machine intelligence, and it solved sex.
Panel 3:
Woman: The outcome of an erotic encounter can now be predicted entirely from initial conditions. Sex is now pointless.
Panel 4:
Man: But, solved games are only solved if both competitors engage in perfect play.
Panel 5:
Man: And imperfect play... just happens to be my forte.
Panel 6:
Man: Why... you might do anything.
Panel 7 (the two are revealed lying in bed together):
Woman: So, what was the furry squeegee supposed to do?
Panel 8:
Man: Dry up the buttermilk. Duh.
Votey:
A large, roughly-sketched fish (loosely drawn in plain line art).
Fish: I win!
Man: Hey, whatcha doin' tonight?
Woman: Sorry, I'm not in the mood ever again.
Panel 2:
Woman: I created a machine intelligence, and it solved sex.
Panel 3:
Woman: The outcome of an erotic encounter can now be predicted entirely from initial conditions. Sex is now pointless.
Panel 4:
Man: But, solved games are only solved if both competitors engage in perfect play.
Panel 5:
Man: And imperfect play... just happens to be my forte.
Panel 6:
Man: Why... you might do anything.
Panel 7 (the two are revealed lying in bed together):
Woman: So, what was the furry squeegee supposed to do?
Panel 8:
Man: Dry up the buttermilk. Duh.
Votey:
A large, roughly-sketched fish (loosely drawn in plain line art).
Fish: I win!
Alt text
An eight-panel SMBC comic. A woman tells her partner she is not in the mood ever again because she created a machine intelligence that 'solved sex' — the outcome of any erotic encounter can now be predicted entirely from initial conditions, making sex pointless. The man counters that solved games are only solved if both competitors engage in perfect play, and 'imperfect play just happens to be my forte... why, you might do anything.' The final two panels reveal the couple lying together in bed afterward; the woman, looking thoroughly unimpressed, asks 'So, what was the furry squeegee supposed to do?' and the man replies 'Dry up the buttermilk. Duh.' — implying his improvisation was bafflingly weird rather than seductive. Votey (aftercomic): a crude line-drawing of a large fish in a speech bubble declaring 'I win!'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.