office-work
Original: office-work on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A woman with short brown hair in business attire addresses the reader.
Woman: Modern office jobs are weird. Employees are present for eight hours a day, but only actually work for two hours a day. The remainder is spent browsing the internet and playing phone games.
Panel 2: The woman continues.
Woman: As employers, we are emotionally unable to countenance the idea of a full wage for a ten hour work week. It just seems too easy.
Panel 3: The woman gestures.
Woman: On the other hand, having you be here all day costs us in rent and electricity.
Panel 4: The woman.
Woman: So, we're proposing an efficient alternative.
Panel 5: The woman explains an elaborate scheme.
Woman: If your day's work is complete at the end of two hours, you may go home. But, only by walking naked through this briar patch, then under a waterfall of salty lemon juice, then through a long hall where twenty men dressed like your mother insult your life choices while drawing you with trophies won by more successful classmates from your high school.
Panel 6: The woman.
Woman: That way, you get more leisure time, and we feel we got our money's worth.
Panel 7: A second woman with curly hair, seated, asks a question.
Second woman: How many hours a day do the mom-guys work?
First woman: Twelve, with no overtime.
Panel 8: An older woman with glasses smiles, holding a power drill and a wrench.
Older woman: I love getting to work with my hands every day.
Votey:
Title: LATER...
A person with messy hair grins.
Person: Productivity is down, but new fetish development is up up up!
Woman: Modern office jobs are weird. Employees are present for eight hours a day, but only actually work for two hours a day. The remainder is spent browsing the internet and playing phone games.
Panel 2: The woman continues.
Woman: As employers, we are emotionally unable to countenance the idea of a full wage for a ten hour work week. It just seems too easy.
Panel 3: The woman gestures.
Woman: On the other hand, having you be here all day costs us in rent and electricity.
Panel 4: The woman.
Woman: So, we're proposing an efficient alternative.
Panel 5: The woman explains an elaborate scheme.
Woman: If your day's work is complete at the end of two hours, you may go home. But, only by walking naked through this briar patch, then under a waterfall of salty lemon juice, then through a long hall where twenty men dressed like your mother insult your life choices while drawing you with trophies won by more successful classmates from your high school.
Panel 6: The woman.
Woman: That way, you get more leisure time, and we feel we got our money's worth.
Panel 7: A second woman with curly hair, seated, asks a question.
Second woman: How many hours a day do the mom-guys work?
First woman: Twelve, with no overtime.
Panel 8: An older woman with glasses smiles, holding a power drill and a wrench.
Older woman: I love getting to work with my hands every day.
Votey:
Title: LATER...
A person with messy hair grins.
Person: Productivity is down, but new fetish development is up up up!
Alt text
An eight-panel SMBC comic. A businesswoman pitches a plan to employees: since office workers only really work two hours a day, anyone who finishes their work in two hours may go home early, but only by walking naked through a briar patch, under a waterfall of salty lemon juice, and through a hall of twenty men dressed as their mother who insult their life choices while drawing them with trophies won by more successful high school classmates. This way employees get leisure time and employers feel they got their money's worth. A seated woman asks how many hours the 'mom-guys' work; the answer is twelve with no overtime. In the last panel an older woman grins holding a power drill and wrench, saying she loves getting to work with her hands every day. Votey panel, titled 'LATER...': a grinning person says, 'Productivity is down, but new fetish development is up up up!' The joke: the deliberately humiliating early-leave gauntlet has accidentally trained workers to develop new fetishes.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.