potty-training
Original: potty-training on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Girl (holding a red puppet on a stick): When you get that funny feeling, it means you have to go!
Panel 2:
Girl (to the puppet, named Floopy): But Floopy, you're a puppet! You have no digestive tract! How can you teach me to go potty?
Panel 3 (black panel, the puppet speaking in dramatic narration):
Floopy (the puppet): A thousand nights have I lain awake, wondering what it must be... to be ALIVE.
Panel 4:
Floopy: To feel the fluxes and fluids coursing through me. To feel my spirit quickening.
Panel 5:
Floopy: I have no inheritance. You — you who were born to a soul — you have never tasted the obsession born of hopelessness. The longing. The PATHOS.
Panel 6:
Floopy: You were birthed in the temple of life! But I — I who will never be permitted within — I have pored over every bend in its architecture! What you took for granted I coveted! The sands under your feet were the stars in my heaven.
Panel 7:
Floopy: NOW STOP SHITTING YOUR PANTS AND USE THE DAMN POTTY!
Girl: Yes, Floopy.
Panel 8:
Woman (entering, excited): Wow! She potty-trained instantly.
Man (at a laptop, with the red puppet lying on the desk beside him): It's about telling a story.
Votey:
A close-up of the girl's face, with a speech bubble above her: I will never poop again.
Girl (holding a red puppet on a stick): When you get that funny feeling, it means you have to go!
Panel 2:
Girl (to the puppet, named Floopy): But Floopy, you're a puppet! You have no digestive tract! How can you teach me to go potty?
Panel 3 (black panel, the puppet speaking in dramatic narration):
Floopy (the puppet): A thousand nights have I lain awake, wondering what it must be... to be ALIVE.
Panel 4:
Floopy: To feel the fluxes and fluids coursing through me. To feel my spirit quickening.
Panel 5:
Floopy: I have no inheritance. You — you who were born to a soul — you have never tasted the obsession born of hopelessness. The longing. The PATHOS.
Panel 6:
Floopy: You were birthed in the temple of life! But I — I who will never be permitted within — I have pored over every bend in its architecture! What you took for granted I coveted! The sands under your feet were the stars in my heaven.
Panel 7:
Floopy: NOW STOP SHITTING YOUR PANTS AND USE THE DAMN POTTY!
Girl: Yes, Floopy.
Panel 8:
Woman (entering, excited): Wow! She potty-trained instantly.
Man (at a laptop, with the red puppet lying on the desk beside him): It's about telling a story.
Votey:
A close-up of the girl's face, with a speech bubble above her: I will never poop again.
Alt text
An eight-panel SMBC comic. A young red-haired girl holds a red puppet on a stick named Floopy. She says when you get that funny feeling it means you have to go. She objects that Floopy is a puppet with no digestive tract, so how can he teach her to go potty. The panel turns black as the puppet launches into a grandiose, anguished monologue: a thousand nights he has lain awake wondering what it must be to be alive, to feel fluids course through him and his spirit quicken. He has no inheritance and, unlike her who was born to a soul, has never tasted the obsession and pathos born of hopelessness. He laments that she was birthed in the temple of life while he can never enter it, that what she took for granted he coveted, the sands under her feet his unreachable stars. Then he snaps: NOW STOP SHITTING YOUR PANTS AND USE THE DAMN POTTY. The girl meekly says Yes, Floopy. In the final panels a man sits at a laptop with the red puppet lying on the desk; a woman rushes in amazed that the girl potty-trained instantly, and the man replies it's about telling a story. Votey: a close-up of the girl's face, traumatized, with a thought above her reading I will never poop again.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.