christmachrist
Original: christmachrist on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Preacher: Brothers and sisters, I went to the store today, and do you know what I saw on a sign?
Sign (background, store): "MERRY CHRISTMAS"
Panel 2:
Preacher: Oh, they say we got the CHRIST taken out of Christmas, finally. But this is easier. CAN'T WE be talking about... CAN'T WE FIT another CHRIST in there?
Panel 3:
Preacher: I'm introducing a new holiday: CHRISTMACHRIST!
Panel 4:
Preacher: Put the CHRIST in Christmas TWICE.
Panel 5:
Preacher: Now, a bunch of weak-hearted so-called Christians can't say, "I think 'Merry Christmas' is enough," or stop yelling outside the library.
Panel 6:
Preacher: I say, this country was founded on cheesed Christian values, and Jesus WOULDN'T have wanted our consumer culture to reflect that.
Panel 7:
Preacher: Shouldn't we care MORE about what we believe than what people say?
Panel 8:
Preacher: Get OUT of my church!
Panel 9:
Preacher: ...and have a Christy CHRISTMACHRIST!
Bottom caption:
P.S. Yeah. We actually DID this. (CLICK TO SEE!)
Image of a soda can/bottle labeled "La Croix CHRIST" (a play on La Croix) with arms and a halo.
Votey:
Handwritten text: "Dammit, why didn't we make coffee cups?!"
Preacher: Brothers and sisters, I went to the store today, and do you know what I saw on a sign?
Sign (background, store): "MERRY CHRISTMAS"
Panel 2:
Preacher: Oh, they say we got the CHRIST taken out of Christmas, finally. But this is easier. CAN'T WE be talking about... CAN'T WE FIT another CHRIST in there?
Panel 3:
Preacher: I'm introducing a new holiday: CHRISTMACHRIST!
Panel 4:
Preacher: Put the CHRIST in Christmas TWICE.
Panel 5:
Preacher: Now, a bunch of weak-hearted so-called Christians can't say, "I think 'Merry Christmas' is enough," or stop yelling outside the library.
Panel 6:
Preacher: I say, this country was founded on cheesed Christian values, and Jesus WOULDN'T have wanted our consumer culture to reflect that.
Panel 7:
Preacher: Shouldn't we care MORE about what we believe than what people say?
Panel 8:
Preacher: Get OUT of my church!
Panel 9:
Preacher: ...and have a Christy CHRISTMACHRIST!
Bottom caption:
P.S. Yeah. We actually DID this. (CLICK TO SEE!)
Image of a soda can/bottle labeled "La Croix CHRIST" (a play on La Croix) with arms and a halo.
Votey:
Handwritten text: "Dammit, why didn't we make coffee cups?!"
Alt text
A nine-panel SMBC comic showing a fervent, slick-haired preacher gesturing wildly behind a pulpit. He rants that since people complain the 'Christ' is being taken out of Christmas, his solution is to add a second one: he introduces a new holiday, 'CHRISTMACHRIST,' to 'put the CHRIST in Christmas TWICE.' He mocks weak-hearted Christians who think 'Merry Christmas' is enough or who object to him yelling outside the library, insists the country was founded on Christian values, asks whether we should care more about what we believe than what people say, then yells 'Get OUT of my church!' before wishing everyone a 'Christy CHRISTMACHRIST!' A caption reads 'P.S. Yeah. We actually DID this. (CLICK TO SEE!)' beside a doodle of a halo-topped soda can branded 'La Croix CHRIST,' a parody of the La Croix sparkling-water brand. Votey aftercomic: handwritten text on a plain panel reading 'Dammit, why didn't we make coffee cups?!' — joking regret that they branded a soda can instead of the cups that the 'war on Christmas' debate famously centers on.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.