2014-12-25
Original: 2014-12-25 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Bearded old man (philosopher): Hey, Achilles! Do you believe in the concept of ethical truth?
Panel 2:
Achilles (a warrior): Of course! How could you go on living with morality being changeable?
Panel 3:
Philosopher: For example, killing is wicked.
Panel 4:
Achilles: Truly. It could not be otherwise.
Panel 5:
Philosopher: Which is why I'm gonna do it to Hector in the neck.
Panel 6:
Achilles: I thought you said it was wicked.
Philosopher: Deeply, deeply wicked. That's why I'm gonna do it to him FIRST. IN THE NECK.
Panel 7:
Achilles: And then I'm gonna enslave his family.
Philosopher: Ain't slavery wicked?
Panel 8:
Achilles: Oh yeah. Aw! They're gonna hate it.
Panel 9:
Philosopher: Do you believe in the concept of justice?
Panel 10:
Achilles: Of course! That's the thing my spear does!
Votey:
A simply-drawn smiling face in a speech bubble: Justice is when you kill the right people!
Bearded old man (philosopher): Hey, Achilles! Do you believe in the concept of ethical truth?
Panel 2:
Achilles (a warrior): Of course! How could you go on living with morality being changeable?
Panel 3:
Philosopher: For example, killing is wicked.
Panel 4:
Achilles: Truly. It could not be otherwise.
Panel 5:
Philosopher: Which is why I'm gonna do it to Hector in the neck.
Panel 6:
Achilles: I thought you said it was wicked.
Philosopher: Deeply, deeply wicked. That's why I'm gonna do it to him FIRST. IN THE NECK.
Panel 7:
Achilles: And then I'm gonna enslave his family.
Philosopher: Ain't slavery wicked?
Panel 8:
Achilles: Oh yeah. Aw! They're gonna hate it.
Panel 9:
Philosopher: Do you believe in the concept of justice?
Panel 10:
Achilles: Of course! That's the thing my spear does!
Votey:
A simply-drawn smiling face in a speech bubble: Justice is when you kill the right people!
Alt text
A ten-panel SMBC comic. A bearded old philosopher questions Achilles, a warrior with a shield, about whether he believes in ethical truth. Achilles enthusiastically agrees, saying you couldn't live with changeable morality. The philosopher says, for example, killing is wicked; Achilles affirms it could not be otherwise. The philosopher then cheerfully announces that's why he's going to do it to Hector in the neck. When Achilles points out he just called it wicked, the philosopher says it's deeply, deeply wicked, which is exactly why he's going to do it to Hector FIRST, IN THE NECK. Achilles adds he'll enslave Hector's family too; asked if slavery isn't wicked, he grins and says, oh yeah, they're gonna hate it. The philosopher asks if Achilles believes in justice, and Achilles beams: of course, that's the thing his spear does. The joke skewers people who profess absolute morality while treating wickedness as a feature, not a deterrent. Votey: a crudely drawn smiling face declares in a speech bubble, 'Justice is when you kill the right people!'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.