2014-12-27
Original: 2014-12-27 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A man at a podium addresses a press conference.
Man at podium: "Thank you for coming to the press conference on such short notice. It's great to see all the major networks here."
Panel 2:
Man at podium: "In our bulletin we mentioned that I will be revealing that I cheated on my wife with a prostitute, that I am secretly a crack dealer, and that I once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die."
Panel 3:
Man at podium: "None of that stuff is true. I will now spend the next three hours giving a detailed presentation on preventable diseases in third world countries. The doors have been locked."
Panel 4: The audience members (a woman and a man) look horrified/dismayed.
Panel 5:
Man at podium (grinning widely): "I look forward to your headlines tomorrow!"
Panel 6: A rolled-up newspaper with a headline:
Newspaper headline: "SENATOR LIES ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH PROSTITUTE"
Votey:
A bearded man's face.
Caption: "The joke is that nobody reads newspapers."
Man at podium: "Thank you for coming to the press conference on such short notice. It's great to see all the major networks here."
Panel 2:
Man at podium: "In our bulletin we mentioned that I will be revealing that I cheated on my wife with a prostitute, that I am secretly a crack dealer, and that I once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die."
Panel 3:
Man at podium: "None of that stuff is true. I will now spend the next three hours giving a detailed presentation on preventable diseases in third world countries. The doors have been locked."
Panel 4: The audience members (a woman and a man) look horrified/dismayed.
Panel 5:
Man at podium (grinning widely): "I look forward to your headlines tomorrow!"
Panel 6: A rolled-up newspaper with a headline:
Newspaper headline: "SENATOR LIES ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH PROSTITUTE"
Votey:
A bearded man's face.
Caption: "The joke is that nobody reads newspapers."
Alt text
A six-panel comic. A man stands at a podium giving a press conference. He thanks the major networks for coming, then says his bulletin promised he would reveal he cheated on his wife with a prostitute, is secretly a crack dealer, and once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. He then announces none of that is true and that he will instead spend the next three hours presenting on preventable diseases in third-world countries, adding that the doors have been locked. The audience looks horrified. Grinning, he says, 'I look forward to your headlines tomorrow!' The final panel shows a rolled-up newspaper whose headline reads 'SENATOR LIES ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH PROSTITUTE' — reporting only the salacious false claim and ignoring everything he actually said. Votey: a drawing of a bearded man's face with the caption 'The joke is that nobody reads newspapers.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.