2014-07-11
Original: 2014-07-11 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Batman (silhouetted on a rooftop): WE'RE GOING DOWNTOWN, PENGUIN!
The Penguin (top hat, monocle, holding umbrella): NOT SO FAST!
Panel 2:
Batman: I AM PROCESS MAN. I CONCERN MYSELF WITH GOVERNMENTAL RULES THAT ARE ETHICAL AND JUST, BUT WHICH ARE CREATED IN A WAY THAT ERODES THE SEPARATION OF POWERS!
The Penguin: AH, CHRIST.
Panel 3:
Batman: THE PENGUIN'S CHEMICAL CONGLOMERATE IS UNETHICALLY POLLUTING GOTHAM'S WATER SUPPLY. BUT THE RULE THAT PROHIBITS HIS ACTIONS WAS CREATED BY THE GOVERNOR'S LEGAL COUNSEL DURING A CONGRESSIONAL RECESS VIA A MISREADING OF A DISSENTING OPINION IN A CASE THAT HAS NEVER BEEN USED AS A PRECEDENT.
Panel 4:
Batman: SURE, YOU LIKE THIS RULE. BUT IF THE PROCESS BECOMES CAPRICIOUS, YOU'LL HAVE NO RECOURSE AGAINST HORRIBLE RULES IN THE FUTURE!
Panel 5:
The Penguin walks away from Batman.
Panel 6:
Batman: WAIT! COME BACK! I HAVE CITATIONS TO MAKE!
Panel 7:
The Penguin: PRUDENCE LADY! SEIZE HIM!
A second figure (Prudence Lady): ARE WE CERTAIN THAT'S A GOOD IDEA?
Votey:
A person with their hand on their chin, thinking deeply, with a speech/thought bubble: SHOULD WE VOTE ON AN ACTION, OR ELECT SOMEONE TO DECIDE THE ACTION?
Batman (silhouetted on a rooftop): WE'RE GOING DOWNTOWN, PENGUIN!
The Penguin (top hat, monocle, holding umbrella): NOT SO FAST!
Panel 2:
Batman: I AM PROCESS MAN. I CONCERN MYSELF WITH GOVERNMENTAL RULES THAT ARE ETHICAL AND JUST, BUT WHICH ARE CREATED IN A WAY THAT ERODES THE SEPARATION OF POWERS!
The Penguin: AH, CHRIST.
Panel 3:
Batman: THE PENGUIN'S CHEMICAL CONGLOMERATE IS UNETHICALLY POLLUTING GOTHAM'S WATER SUPPLY. BUT THE RULE THAT PROHIBITS HIS ACTIONS WAS CREATED BY THE GOVERNOR'S LEGAL COUNSEL DURING A CONGRESSIONAL RECESS VIA A MISREADING OF A DISSENTING OPINION IN A CASE THAT HAS NEVER BEEN USED AS A PRECEDENT.
Panel 4:
Batman: SURE, YOU LIKE THIS RULE. BUT IF THE PROCESS BECOMES CAPRICIOUS, YOU'LL HAVE NO RECOURSE AGAINST HORRIBLE RULES IN THE FUTURE!
Panel 5:
The Penguin walks away from Batman.
Panel 6:
Batman: WAIT! COME BACK! I HAVE CITATIONS TO MAKE!
Panel 7:
The Penguin: PRUDENCE LADY! SEIZE HIM!
A second figure (Prudence Lady): ARE WE CERTAIN THAT'S A GOOD IDEA?
Votey:
A person with their hand on their chin, thinking deeply, with a speech/thought bubble: SHOULD WE VOTE ON AN ACTION, OR ELECT SOMEONE TO DECIDE THE ACTION?
Alt text
A tall black-and-white SMBC comic parodying Batman as a process-obsessed superhero. Panel 1: Batman, in silhouette on a rooftop, says "We're going downtown, Penguin!" The Penguin (top hat, monocle, umbrella) replies "Not so fast!" Panel 2: Batman announces, "I am Process Man. I concern myself with governmental rules that are ethical and just, but which are created in a way that erodes the separation of powers!" The Penguin mutters, "Ah, Christ." Panel 3: Batman delivers a long-winded legal explanation that the Penguin's chemical conglomerate is illegally polluting Gotham's water supply, but the rule prohibiting it was created improperly—by the governor's legal counsel during a congressional recess, via a misreading of a dissenting opinion in a case never used as precedent. Panel 4: Batman, face now visible and looking earnest, warns, "Sure, you like this rule. But if the process becomes capricious, you'll have no recourse against horrible rules in the future!" Panel 5: The Penguin simply walks away while Batman watches. Panel 6: Batman calls out desperately, "Wait! Come back! I have citations to make!" Panel 7: The Penguin orders an off-panel henchwoman, "Prudence Lady! Seize him!" She hesitates, asking, "Are we certain that's a good idea?" The joke: a superhero who fights legal-process violations instead of crime is useless and annoying. Votey (bonus panel): A person rests their hand on their chin, deep in thought, with a thought bubble reading, "Should we vote on an action, or elect someone to decide the action?"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.