2014-02-11
Original: 2014-02-11 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Ghost: JOHNNY! YOU MUST AVENNNGE ME!
Man (Johnny): DAD?
Ghost: TAKE VENGEANCE UPON THOSE WHO KILLED ME!
Panel 2:
Man: BUT YOU KILLED YOURSELF BY EROTIC ELECTRICAL STIMULATION.
Ghost: NRGH! THE WIRING ON THE NIPPLE ANODE WAS SHODDY!! WAS SHODDYYYYY!!
Panel 3:
Man: SO I NEED TO GET REVENGE ON THE MANUFACTURER?
Ghost: NYYYEE! THE SUPPLY CHAIN IS COMPLEX. THE COPPER WAS MINED IN TANZANIA, THEN REFINED IN MICHIGAN BEFORE IT WAS SENT TO THE WIRE MANUFACTURER IN BELARUUUSS!!
Panel 4:
Man: BUT THAT COMPANY WAS PURCHASED BY A JOINT VENTURE BETWEEN THE GOVERNMENT OF MALAYSIA AND AN NGO IN BRAZIL.
Ghost: AND NOW THE VERY NOTION OF CULPABILITY IS CONFUUSING!!
Panel 5:
Man: SO... WHO AM I KILLING THEN?
Ghost: HONESTLY, I'D JUST START KILLING. EVENTUALLY ENOUGH REVENGE WILL BUILD UP THAT I CAN STOP HAUNTING YOU EVERY NIIIIIIIGHT!
Ghost (small): UGH. FINE.
Panel 6:
Bald man (with a sword/weapon): WHY ARE YOU KILLING ME?!
Man: GLOBALIZATION, MAN.
Votey:
The man's face, smiling, with a tear: THE THINGS WE DO FOR FAMILY!
Ghost: JOHNNY! YOU MUST AVENNNGE ME!
Man (Johnny): DAD?
Ghost: TAKE VENGEANCE UPON THOSE WHO KILLED ME!
Panel 2:
Man: BUT YOU KILLED YOURSELF BY EROTIC ELECTRICAL STIMULATION.
Ghost: NRGH! THE WIRING ON THE NIPPLE ANODE WAS SHODDY!! WAS SHODDYYYYY!!
Panel 3:
Man: SO I NEED TO GET REVENGE ON THE MANUFACTURER?
Ghost: NYYYEE! THE SUPPLY CHAIN IS COMPLEX. THE COPPER WAS MINED IN TANZANIA, THEN REFINED IN MICHIGAN BEFORE IT WAS SENT TO THE WIRE MANUFACTURER IN BELARUUUSS!!
Panel 4:
Man: BUT THAT COMPANY WAS PURCHASED BY A JOINT VENTURE BETWEEN THE GOVERNMENT OF MALAYSIA AND AN NGO IN BRAZIL.
Ghost: AND NOW THE VERY NOTION OF CULPABILITY IS CONFUUSING!!
Panel 5:
Man: SO... WHO AM I KILLING THEN?
Ghost: HONESTLY, I'D JUST START KILLING. EVENTUALLY ENOUGH REVENGE WILL BUILD UP THAT I CAN STOP HAUNTING YOU EVERY NIIIIIIIGHT!
Ghost (small): UGH. FINE.
Panel 6:
Bald man (with a sword/weapon): WHY ARE YOU KILLING ME?!
Man: GLOBALIZATION, MAN.
Votey:
The man's face, smiling, with a tear: THE THINGS WE DO FOR FAMILY!
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic. A glowing, ghostly figure (the protagonist's dead father) appears and demands his son Johnny avenge his death. Johnny points out that his father killed himself via erotic electrical stimulation; the ghost insists the nipple-anode wiring was shoddy, so the manufacturer is to blame. But the ghost then explains the supply chain is hopelessly complex: copper mined in Tanzania, refined in Michigan, sent to a wire manufacturer in Belarus, which was bought by a joint venture between the Malaysian government and a Brazilian NGO. The notion of who is culpable becomes confusing. When Johnny asks who he should even kill, the ghost wearily advises him to just start killing anyone, reasoning that enough accumulated revenge will eventually let the ghost stop haunting him every night. In the final panel, a bald man being attacked asks Johnny why he is killing him, and Johnny replies, 'Globalization, man.' The votey (bonus panel) shows Johnny's face smiling with a single tear and the caption: 'The things we do for family!'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.