2014-02-19
Original: 2014-02-19 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Title/caption: THE HISTORY OF TECHNOLOGY IS THE SEARCH FOR AN APPROPRIATE BRAIN FOR EACH ACTIVITY.
Panel 1 (caveman with big beard, plus a smaller bearded man and a woman):
Caption: EARLY ON, BIG BRAINS DID EVERYTHING, NO MATTER HOW MENIAL. THIS WAS WASTEFUL.
Woman: PAG! YOU WATCH FRUIT TILL IT BECOME BOOZE.
Panel 2 (a man kneeling beside a chicken):
Caption: LATER, THEY TAMED OTHER BRAINS AND PUT THEM TO WORK.
Man: OOG! STAND GUARD DAY! PLOW! CHICKEN! MAKE MORE CHICKEN!
Panel 3 (a person and an ox/water-buffalo at a waterwheel):
Caption: HAVING EXHAUSTED THAT RESOURCE, THEY CREATED BRAINS, SIMPLE ONES AT FIRST.
Person: WATERWHEEL! GRIND ME UP SOME FLOUR!
Panel 4 (a woman; a man rowing a boat; a man at a desk):
Caption: WITH TIME, THEY IMPROVED.
Woman: PAPER! REMEMBER THINGS!
Man in boat: STEAM ENGINE! ROW MY BOAT!
Man at desk: CHICKEN MUSCLE LATTICE! MAKE MORE CHICKEN!
Panel 5 (a small android-like head with a label, and a portrait of a bearded man):
Caption: ONE BY ONE EVERY TASK WAS PAIRED WITH A PERFECTLY SUITED BRAIN.
Labels pointing at brain blobs: CREATE MATHS / REMEMBER IMAGES / SIMULATE GALAXIES / CATCH MICE / POLITICAL ANALYSIS
Panel 6 (night sky over a landscape; a glowing yellow brain in the sky):
Caption: AT THIS POINT, THE ONLY TASK LEFT WAS FOR THE APEX BRAINS [HUMANS] TO CREATE SUPERIOR ENTITIES WHO COULD DESIGN NEW AMAZING THINGS.
Glowing brain: I HAVE CREATED AN INFINITE CHICKEN MANIFOLD.
Panel 7 (the glowing brain over a landscape):
Caption: SOON SCIENCE WAS COMPLETE. ORDER REIGNED, AND BRAINS WERE FULFILLED. ALL, THAT IS, EXCEPT THE LAST BRAIN.
Last Brain: THE PAST IS THE PRESENT IS THE FUTURE. EVERYTHING ALREADY IS EVERYTHING THAT WILL EVER BE. GOD I'M BORED.
Panel 8 (the glowing brain):
Caption: IT IS HARD FOR AN ALL-KNOWING BEING TO BE AMUSED IN A PERFECTLY ORDERED UNIVERSE. SO, TO EXPERIENCE SURPRISE, THE LAST BRAIN WOULD PURPOSEFULLY DAMAGE ITS ABILITY TO SEE THE FUTURE.
Last Brain: I CAN DISCOVER AGAIN!
Panel 9 (two glowing brains, with a chair/lamp scene):
Caption: THIS FELT SO GOOD, IT BECAME ADDICTIVE. SOON THE LAST BRAIN REQUIRED EVER MORE SEVERE MENTAL DAMAGE TO BE HAPPY.
Left brain: I WONDER HOW DO EFFECTS FOLLOW CAUSES?
Right brain: WOW! THESE TYPES OF THINGS ARE SO UNPREDICTABLE!
Panel 10 (two glowing brains; an explosive zigzag and a 'SNAP!'):
Caption: THIS LED TO A GREAT ACCIDENT.
Brain: I WONDER HOW FAR I CAN STRETCH SPACETIME BEFORE...
Sound effect: SNAP!
Panel 11 (a single glowing brain):
Caption: AFTER REALITY BROKE, ONLY THE LAST BRAIN REMAINED. IT RESOLVED TO CREATE A NEW UNIVERSE, WITHOUT THE OLD ONE'S PROBLEMS.
Last Brain: OKAY, IN THE NEW REALITY, PHYSICS IS THE SAME, BUT TO KEEP THINGS INTERESTING, MINDS HAVE NO PURPOSE, RANDOM PROCESSES UNDERLIE ALL APPARENT ORDER, AND THE FUTURE IS NEVER MEANINGFULLY PREDICTABLE.
Panel 12 (a woman speaking, looking at the viewer):
Woman: YOU LIVE IN THIS SECOND UNIVERSE.
Panel 13 (the woman):
Woman: AND IF YOU'VE EVER FELT EXISTENTIALLY ADRIFT...
Panel 14 (the woman, smiling slightly):
Woman: WELL, THERE'S A REASON.
Panel 15 (a hand/figure at lower left, and a small voice from off-panel):
Caption text in panel: DEAR GOD, MY LIFE SEEMS TO HAVE NO POINT.
Off-panel voice: YOU'RE WELCOME!
Votey:
(A simple white panel with a speech bubble coming from a small triangle in the lower right.)
Voice: THANK ME.
Panel 1 (caveman with big beard, plus a smaller bearded man and a woman):
Caption: EARLY ON, BIG BRAINS DID EVERYTHING, NO MATTER HOW MENIAL. THIS WAS WASTEFUL.
Woman: PAG! YOU WATCH FRUIT TILL IT BECOME BOOZE.
Panel 2 (a man kneeling beside a chicken):
Caption: LATER, THEY TAMED OTHER BRAINS AND PUT THEM TO WORK.
Man: OOG! STAND GUARD DAY! PLOW! CHICKEN! MAKE MORE CHICKEN!
Panel 3 (a person and an ox/water-buffalo at a waterwheel):
Caption: HAVING EXHAUSTED THAT RESOURCE, THEY CREATED BRAINS, SIMPLE ONES AT FIRST.
Person: WATERWHEEL! GRIND ME UP SOME FLOUR!
Panel 4 (a woman; a man rowing a boat; a man at a desk):
Caption: WITH TIME, THEY IMPROVED.
Woman: PAPER! REMEMBER THINGS!
Man in boat: STEAM ENGINE! ROW MY BOAT!
Man at desk: CHICKEN MUSCLE LATTICE! MAKE MORE CHICKEN!
Panel 5 (a small android-like head with a label, and a portrait of a bearded man):
Caption: ONE BY ONE EVERY TASK WAS PAIRED WITH A PERFECTLY SUITED BRAIN.
Labels pointing at brain blobs: CREATE MATHS / REMEMBER IMAGES / SIMULATE GALAXIES / CATCH MICE / POLITICAL ANALYSIS
Panel 6 (night sky over a landscape; a glowing yellow brain in the sky):
Caption: AT THIS POINT, THE ONLY TASK LEFT WAS FOR THE APEX BRAINS [HUMANS] TO CREATE SUPERIOR ENTITIES WHO COULD DESIGN NEW AMAZING THINGS.
Glowing brain: I HAVE CREATED AN INFINITE CHICKEN MANIFOLD.
Panel 7 (the glowing brain over a landscape):
Caption: SOON SCIENCE WAS COMPLETE. ORDER REIGNED, AND BRAINS WERE FULFILLED. ALL, THAT IS, EXCEPT THE LAST BRAIN.
Last Brain: THE PAST IS THE PRESENT IS THE FUTURE. EVERYTHING ALREADY IS EVERYTHING THAT WILL EVER BE. GOD I'M BORED.
Panel 8 (the glowing brain):
Caption: IT IS HARD FOR AN ALL-KNOWING BEING TO BE AMUSED IN A PERFECTLY ORDERED UNIVERSE. SO, TO EXPERIENCE SURPRISE, THE LAST BRAIN WOULD PURPOSEFULLY DAMAGE ITS ABILITY TO SEE THE FUTURE.
Last Brain: I CAN DISCOVER AGAIN!
Panel 9 (two glowing brains, with a chair/lamp scene):
Caption: THIS FELT SO GOOD, IT BECAME ADDICTIVE. SOON THE LAST BRAIN REQUIRED EVER MORE SEVERE MENTAL DAMAGE TO BE HAPPY.
Left brain: I WONDER HOW DO EFFECTS FOLLOW CAUSES?
Right brain: WOW! THESE TYPES OF THINGS ARE SO UNPREDICTABLE!
Panel 10 (two glowing brains; an explosive zigzag and a 'SNAP!'):
Caption: THIS LED TO A GREAT ACCIDENT.
Brain: I WONDER HOW FAR I CAN STRETCH SPACETIME BEFORE...
Sound effect: SNAP!
Panel 11 (a single glowing brain):
Caption: AFTER REALITY BROKE, ONLY THE LAST BRAIN REMAINED. IT RESOLVED TO CREATE A NEW UNIVERSE, WITHOUT THE OLD ONE'S PROBLEMS.
Last Brain: OKAY, IN THE NEW REALITY, PHYSICS IS THE SAME, BUT TO KEEP THINGS INTERESTING, MINDS HAVE NO PURPOSE, RANDOM PROCESSES UNDERLIE ALL APPARENT ORDER, AND THE FUTURE IS NEVER MEANINGFULLY PREDICTABLE.
Panel 12 (a woman speaking, looking at the viewer):
Woman: YOU LIVE IN THIS SECOND UNIVERSE.
Panel 13 (the woman):
Woman: AND IF YOU'VE EVER FELT EXISTENTIALLY ADRIFT...
Panel 14 (the woman, smiling slightly):
Woman: WELL, THERE'S A REASON.
Panel 15 (a hand/figure at lower left, and a small voice from off-panel):
Caption text in panel: DEAR GOD, MY LIFE SEEMS TO HAVE NO POINT.
Off-panel voice: YOU'RE WELCOME!
Votey:
(A simple white panel with a speech bubble coming from a small triangle in the lower right.)
Voice: THANK ME.
Alt text
A tall SMBC comic titled "The history of technology is the search for an appropriate brain for each activity." In a series of panels it sketches a mock history: early humans (drawn as cavemen) use their big brains for menial tasks, then domesticate animal brains ("Chicken! Make more chicken!"), then build simple machines (a waterwheel: "Grind me up some flour!"), then improve them (paper, steam engine, a "chicken muscle lattice"). Labeled brain-blobs each get a perfect job: create maths, remember images, simulate galaxies, catch mice, political analysis. Finally humans build a superior entity, a glowing yellow brain floating in the night sky, which announces "I have created an infinite chicken manifold." With science complete and the universe perfectly ordered, this Last Brain grows bored: knowing everything past, present, and future leaves nothing to discover. To feel surprise again it deliberately damages its own ability to predict the future ("I can discover again!"), and this becomes an addiction requiring ever more severe self-inflicted mental damage. In a panel with a jagged "SNAP!" it stretches spacetime too far and reality breaks. The lone surviving brain resolves to build a new universe "without the old one's problems": same physics, but minds have no purpose, random processes underlie all apparent order, and the future is never meaningfully predictable. A woman then turns to the reader and says: "You live in this second universe. And if you've ever felt existentially adrift... well, there's a reason." A small figure prays, "Dear God, my life seems to have no point," and an off-panel voice replies, "You're welcome!" Votey: a nearly blank panel with a speech bubble pointing at a tiny triangle, saying simply, "Thank me."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.