2013-11-20
Original: 2013-11-20 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Title: LEX LUTHOR!
Panel 1:
Superman (in bed): YES, AND THIS TIME I'VE GOT YOU.
Panel 2:
Lex Luthor: THIS TIME THERE'S NO KRYPTONITE AND NO COMPLICATED SCHEME. THERE'S ONLY THE PASSAGE OF TIME. YOU SEE, YOU HAVE TO PEE, IT'S TOO COLD TO LEAVE YOUR WARM BLANKET.
Panel 3:
Superman: OH, NORMALLY YOU'D WAIT UNTIL THE DISCOMFORT OF WITHHELD URINE SURPASSED THE DISCOMFORT OF GETTING OUT INTO THE COLD.
Panel 4:
Lex Luthor: BUT I'VE PROGRAMMED THE ROOM TO DECREASE ITS TEMPERATURE IN EXACT PROPORTION TO YOUR INCREASE IN NEED TO URINATE. IT IS THUS IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO LEAVE THE BED.
Panel 5:
Superman: WE'LL SEE ABOUT-- OH MY GOD YOU'RE RIGHT IT'S SO TOASTY IN HERE!
Panel 6:
Lex Luthor: OVER THE NEXT 48 HOURS, THE TEMPERATURE WILL STEADILY DROP TOWARD ABSOLUTE ZERO.
Panel 7:
Lex Luthor: YOUR BLADDER WILL BECOME SO PACKED IT WILL IGNITE NUCLEAR FUSION, KILLING YOU AND ALL THE CITIZENS OF METROPOLIS!
Panel 8:
Lex Luthor: AHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHA!
Panel 9:
Superman: YOU MONSTER! YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH IT! BATMAN WILL SAVE ME!
Lex Luthor: WILL HE?
Panel 10:
Caption: EARLIER...
Batman (in a shower): OH IT'S SO NICE AND WARM IN THIS SHOWER. ISN'T IT.
Votey:
Lex Luthor (grinning, with a speech bubble): IT'D BE A SHAME IF YOU... FORGOT TO BRING A TOWEL!
Panel 1:
Superman (in bed): YES, AND THIS TIME I'VE GOT YOU.
Panel 2:
Lex Luthor: THIS TIME THERE'S NO KRYPTONITE AND NO COMPLICATED SCHEME. THERE'S ONLY THE PASSAGE OF TIME. YOU SEE, YOU HAVE TO PEE, IT'S TOO COLD TO LEAVE YOUR WARM BLANKET.
Panel 3:
Superman: OH, NORMALLY YOU'D WAIT UNTIL THE DISCOMFORT OF WITHHELD URINE SURPASSED THE DISCOMFORT OF GETTING OUT INTO THE COLD.
Panel 4:
Lex Luthor: BUT I'VE PROGRAMMED THE ROOM TO DECREASE ITS TEMPERATURE IN EXACT PROPORTION TO YOUR INCREASE IN NEED TO URINATE. IT IS THUS IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO LEAVE THE BED.
Panel 5:
Superman: WE'LL SEE ABOUT-- OH MY GOD YOU'RE RIGHT IT'S SO TOASTY IN HERE!
Panel 6:
Lex Luthor: OVER THE NEXT 48 HOURS, THE TEMPERATURE WILL STEADILY DROP TOWARD ABSOLUTE ZERO.
Panel 7:
Lex Luthor: YOUR BLADDER WILL BECOME SO PACKED IT WILL IGNITE NUCLEAR FUSION, KILLING YOU AND ALL THE CITIZENS OF METROPOLIS!
Panel 8:
Lex Luthor: AHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHA!
Panel 9:
Superman: YOU MONSTER! YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH IT! BATMAN WILL SAVE ME!
Lex Luthor: WILL HE?
Panel 10:
Caption: EARLIER...
Batman (in a shower): OH IT'S SO NICE AND WARM IN THIS SHOWER. ISN'T IT.
Votey:
Lex Luthor (grinning, with a speech bubble): IT'D BE A SHAME IF YOU... FORGOT TO BRING A TOWEL!
Alt text
A tall SMBC comic titled "LEX LUTHOR!" Superman lies in bed under a blanket; Lex Luthor leans over him. Superman gloats that this time he's got Lex, but Lex explains there's no kryptonite and no scheme, only the passage of time: Superman has to pee but it's too cold to leave his warm blanket. Superman counters that he'd normally just wait until the discomfort of holding it outweighs the cold, but Lex reveals he has programmed the room to drop in temperature in exact proportion to Superman's increasing need to urinate, making it impossible to leave the bed. Superman starts to object, then suddenly agrees the bed is too toasty to leave. Lex announces that over 48 hours the temperature will fall toward absolute zero, and Superman's overpacked bladder will ignite nuclear fusion, killing him and all of Metropolis, then laughs maniacally. Superman cries that Batman will save him; Lex asks "Will he?" A final panel labeled "Earlier..." shows Batman happily standing in a warm shower. Votey: a close-up of a grinning Lex Luthor saying, "It'd be a shame if you... forgot to bring a towel!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.